Chronic Illness: When You Accept the Illness

What? Accept the illness? Most people choose to see the acceptance of a chronic illness as either complete capitulation or total vigilance. In reality, it is neither. Acceptance of an illness can be an integral part of getting on with life. The dictionary defines acceptance as: (1) to receive something offered. (2) to answer affirmatively to; (3) to undertake the duties of. The acceptance of a chronic illness is never done willingly or gladly, but it is done out of necessity.

In comparison, "capitulation refers to the person who, under the sentence of ill health, goes to pieces and essentially renounces the idea of remaining himself. To accept, means to keep a firm grip on yourself and to work toward safeguarding your integrity. Acceptance implies a refusal to be condemned or give up and become a useless person in the face of diminishing health. There is an element of non-acceptance in this kind of acceptance" (Werner-Beland, 1980, p. 1976).

If you have just been diagnosed with an illness, you are not ready to accept it. There are other emotions that you need to feel and deal with. There will come a time, however, when you start to see yourself making gradual changes. One day you'll realize that you've let go of some of the fear and anger; you'll find that you are dealing with the difficulties of living with a chronic illness just as you deal with other difficulties in life. You will know then that you are on you way to living with a chronic illness, and not surviving a chronic illness.

When we come to the point of accepting our illness, the people around us often become frustrated and determined to keep "fighting for us, since we aren't going to fight for ourselves." Oftentimes, they just don't understand that learning to accept the illness is the only way to have a sane life.

"I have a friend who keeps telling me if I just admit that I hurt, God will take away the pain," says Betty. "I am a Christian and I believe in prayer, but also read that sometimes we just have to endure. She is always trying to get me to go to a healing service with her. She will call and ask me how I feel and then proceed to quote me scriptures and end up acting like I'm really not as bad as I feel."

Accepting our illness is a difficult step. What does God have to say about all of this? I am still trying to understand. Sitting around a table with a group of friends, we discussed, "At what point do you know that it is God's will for you to stop praying for God to take the thorn away and heal you and start praying for wisdom and guidance to deal with the thorn in your side?" I won't attempt to answer this question, but there are some things from God's word that may help put the possibility of accepting your illness
into perspective.

Some things to think about...

By acceptance can we gain hope?
God not only tells us to accept our suffering, but rejoice in them. Most days, this can feel like quite a stretch, but God promises that through rejoicing in our sufferings, we will learn perseverance; perseverance produces character; character produces hope. Hope will never disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts (Romans 5: 3-5).

By acceptance, can we find God's will?
God calls us to be living sacrifices. (Romans 12:1-2). Our bodies are Holy and pleasing to God, regardless of what physical shape they are in. God tells us not to worry about conforming to the world's standards, but to allow our minds to be renewed. Following these steps, we will be able to "test and approve" what God's good, pleasing, and perfect will is.

By acceptance, are we allowing
ourselves to be pruned as God desires?
God is going to prune us whether we like it or not. John 15: 1-2,4 "I am the true vine, and my father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful...Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me."

What is acceptance?
How do we know if we've accepted our illness?

You no longer focus on the illness 100% of the time. The illness becomes a a part of your life and not its main focus.
You being to see the needs of others again. You begin to remember that other people have troubles too.
The illness blends in as only a part of your total identity, such that everyone doesn't have to know about it.
You don't go to great lengths to hide the illness. You absorb the idea of the illness.
You become a well-rounded person, with interests outside of the illness.
You are able to acceptance the illness both intellectually and emotionally.
Your feelings of bitterness, defensiveness, and anger are relapsed when you no longer see yourself as a victim but as an active participant and assume responsibility for yourself.
Your fears become more realistic, and not generalized, consuming anxiety.
There's no room in your life for self-pity.
You accept the realities of your limitations and ask for help assertively, not aggressively or with apology.
You are able to see the humor in the situation.
You set new goals when old ones are no longer realistic.
You have hope.
You see yourself as no different from others: handling your problems well, but no martyr or saint.
You are able to identify with similarities of others, not just differences.
You see yourself as a person of value just as you are.
You learn to listen to yourself and trust your instincts.

This list has been adapted from the original list in Successful Living with Chronic Illness,retitled Celebrate Life, by Kathleen Lewis.

Do You Have Interests
Outside of Your Illness?

"A person can react in three different ways to a chronic illness. The first is to give up. The second is to fight the diagnosis continually, which leads to despair because you get nowhere. The third is to get active in you own behalf and take responsibility for your well-being and your goals for the future." (Cox-Gedmar, p. 55).

Part of setting goals for the future is finding what your interests are. You may have to adapt your past interests to fit your new limitations altogether. For example, if you once enjoyed gardening and can no longer do it, you may want to start visiting botanical gardens or attending local flower shows. "Don't give up on your interests," says Pat, with fibromyalgia. "Just find new ways to enjoy them."

Lisa Copen is the founder and director of Rest Ministries. She lives with rheumatoid arthritis and fibromyalgia and is the author of When Chronic Illness Enters Your Life Bible Study.