Communication with Family is Refreshing
Betty Blyler

Betty Blyler has taught in children's ministries for 40 years and produces a daily 15 minutes radio program called "A Time For Families.". She is a an author and speaker and founder of Solid Ground Communication, encouraging Christians to live with a Biblical world view in every area of their lives. Time with family is special to her and she loves to write and tell stories about her childhood to her grandchildren.

11/30/05

[HOST_Carolann] I think it's time we got started. Welcome again everyone! And a special welcome to Betty Blyler, our guest speaker for today. She will help us learn how to keep communication with family exciting and refreshing, at any physical condition. Betty is an author and speaker and has taught in children's ministries for 40 years. She also has a daily radio program called A Time For Families. Welcome Betty, and I will turn our time over to you.
GUEST_BETTY> Good morning to all of you. Glad to meet you
GUEST_BETTY> I'm excited to be with you today. I'll be "talking" to you about communicating with family and leaving a heritage.
GUEST_BETTY> I have had chronic pain for 30 years, more severe in the past 15, But it is NOT my life. And I'll not be talking much about it.
GUEST_BETTY> But even with (or without) chronic pain, Communication with relatives and friends is often your responsibility.
GUEST_BETTY> People don't have a natural liking for communicating, particularly people who might be experiencing physical or mental pain or anxiety.
GUEST_BETTY> But it is vital for you (and probably for them) that you continue the communications.
GUEST_BETTY> Everyone is busy, so it is probably going to fall on you to keep a support group going.
GUEST_BETTY> Here is one idea that I have used for many (about 25) years.
GUEST_BETTY> For griping and for praising, for looking at your past private thoughts, and expressing your feelings, Try keeping a journal.
GUEST_BETTY> It is also a way to communicate with GOD. He knows your thoughts, but when you write them down, it helps make more sense to YOU.
GUEST_BETTY> You can sort your thoughts without worrying about what people think.
GUEST_BETTY> You can also review your progress.
GUEST_BETTY> You can share thoughts and experiences with other people if your share topics.
GUEST_BETTY> I have been writing monthly topics with several friends for 12 years.
GUEST_BETTY> I copy every writing for each of my "journalist" friends, and have one of each in a folder for each grandchild
GUEST_BETTY> Folders for my grandchildren are interesting to my two grown grandsons. When I wrote them, these boys were just little.
GUEST_BETTY> Now they are in their 20's and love the writings.
GUEST_BETTY> Chose a monthly topic, invite friends or relatives (amateur journalists) to write with you.
GUEST_BETTY> Over the years I've been doing this, I have collected 24 people on my list who ask for my monthly topics. Some of them had been mentioned from time to time when writing about my childhood or high school, etc.
GUEST_BETTY> I have MANY topics about which I wrote. As I said I have been doing this for 12 years, every month.
GUEST_BETTY> Here are a few ideas if you would like to pursue this.
GUEST_BETTY> Trips you took; Automobiles you drove or owned; Houses in which you lived. (this one would be easy for you Sharon)
GUEST_BETTY> Vacations; First Grade; First things you remember when you were born; Dumb things you do or did; favorite relative; Wearing glasses; Pets;
GUEST_BETTY> The list goes on and on, of course. You could think of your own.
GUEST_BETTY> I do a daily radio program, and some of these ideas have reached the airwaves too, but they don't have to.
GUEST_BETTY> So, in review so far. Keeping a journal is good for your own spiritual journey. It doesn't have to be shared with anybody.
GUEST_BETTY> Sharing journal entries is a good way to communicate your feelings and experiences.
GUEST_BETTY> Next idea for communicating is for nieces, nephews, grandchildren, or your own child - CRAFTS
GUEST_BETTY> I have a "craft place" in my basement. A large desk which doesn't have to be emptied or cleared. Every week, my grand daughter and I have made crafts there for 8 years. I have a supply of the usual craft things like glue, scissors, tape, markers, felt pieces, construction paper, foam pieces, beads and spangles, wire, stapler.
GUEST_BETTY> Then each week we look at a craft book and decide what we will make the next week. So I can make sure I have all the supplies when she comes.
GUEST_BETTY> Doing this together makes a GREAT time to talk.
GUEST_BETTY> If you don't have craft books, you can get a boundless supply of craft projects on the Internet.
GUEST_BETTY> Above all, Communicate Christ to your loved ones and pray for them.
GUEST_BETTY> The Bible says we are to teach diligently to our children (sphere of influence - other people's children too.)
GUEST_BETTY> Do all this while you rest in God's promises. Psalm 37: 4-7 Delight yourself in the Lord. He shall give you the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the Lord, trust also in him and he shall bring it to pass.
GUEST_BETTY> Comfort others and lift the weak. Everyone needs communication.
GUEST_BETTY> Question: What keeps you from private or shared journaling?
GUEST_BETTY> Can you think of a friend who would journal with you on monthly topics?
GUEST_BETTY> Do you have a sphere of influence you need to communicate the Joy of knowing Christ?
[HOST_Carolann] I was wondering Betty, how do you share the journaling? I mean do you each write something and then just read it to each other? Or do you write something on the other person's topic?
GUEST_BETTY> You may respond to these thoughts, or ask ME questions.
GUEST_BETTY> Each month, we take turns "giving" a topic. Then we all write the same topic. We make copies and send them. I only have one writer to whom I send a hard copy, the others I email?
[HOST_Carolann] Oh I see, that sounds very interesting
GUEST_BETTY> But I keep hard copies for the grand children, and send hard copies to some relatives and friends (these are the people who don't share in the group journaling.)
GUEST_BETTY> My group is presently only 4 people. One was with me for the whole 12 years.
[HOST_Carolann] what kind of responses have you gotten from your relatives and friends?
GUEST_BETTY> My one uncle spent a lot of time on my family farm while I was growing up, so he is in a lot of my writings. He loves them!
GUEST_BETTY> My immediate family, of course, shows up in the writings. They especially like them when they are part of the story.
[HOST_Carolann] I can imagine it would open up conversations and help to talk about family and things
craftingrama> could you do this with the now famous blogs that are becoming popular
GUEST_BETTY> I have friends from high school and elem. school days who like the memories and it sparks thoughts for them.
GUEST_BETTY> I think the blog could be a vehicle. I've not done it, but could be convinced I think.
GUEST_BETTY> I just attach them to emails right now with friends and family.
[HOST_Carolann] Writing out our thoughts helps us communicate with God too sometimes
GUEST_BETTY> In the beginning I told you that chronic pain is NOT MY LIFE. It isn't pleasant, but it doesn't mean I'm helpless. You, too, have a sphere of influence in the world. "In the world you shall have tribulation, but be of good cheer, He said, He has overcome the world.
GUEST_BETTY> Simply the Best News is "Our Comforter has come!" (John 15:26) And you have probably had experiences in your life that would be a blessing to others
craftingrama> my biggest problem with journaling is remembering to do it. How do you get in the habit. It seems like I start and soon days or weeks have gone by.
GUEST_BETTY> I like what you said, Carolann, about writing out our thoughts as a communication with God. It's true.
[HOST_Carolann] that's my problem too
Ron> indeed it is
[HOST_Carolann] I have a journal I started in January and wrote only a couple pages
GUEST_BETTY> I have my journal in my carry along bag. (not my purse, because I carry a small purse), but my carry along bag has a book and my journal.
GUEST_BETTY> I drag it into doctor's waiting rooms.
GUEST_BETTY> And whenever it's possible I'll be waiting somewhere.
blessedvalley> I have found a door of ministry open in the christian forum world that has allowed me to write out my prayers and this is a big help
GUEST_BETTY> I use my journal as I read my Bible.
[HOST_Carolann] that's a great idea blessedvalley
GUEST_BETTY> I also take my journal to church.
Mary_Lou> Journalling could also be done orally, couldn't it? You could tape your thoughts, stories, etc. That might work better for somebody who isn't into writing.
GUEST_BETTY> I take notes from the pastor's sermons, and interject my own sometimes.
GUEST_BETTY> Great idea Mary Lou
[HOST_Carolann] that's very creative Mary Lou!
Mary_Lou> I just know there are some people who find writing a chore. I don't. I prefer writing to talking. But some people are more verbal and can think out loud really well.
blessedvalley> Do you think sometimes people fear this sort of thing because they think it may seem silly to others?
GUEST_BETTY> I have a program on my computer where I produce our radio program. You could get a program like this and it is saved on your computer. I have a cd burner to store them. Now if you don't have all this, you could use a cassette tape.
[HOST_Carolann] blessedvalley that was my thought, I would be afraid someone would think it all just a waste of time
GUEST_BETTY> I have a friend at church that smiles at me sometimes and says, "Did you write that down?"
blessedvalley> lol\
[HOST_Carolann] you have a reputation Betty! - a good one that is
Ron> writing down sermon notes reinforces the message to you
Mary_Lou> Re: wasting somebody's time -- my question is -- do you edit it before you give your writings to anybody or hand them over as is?
GUEST_BETTY> My close friends ASK for my writing if I don't send them right away. Sometimes I wait and do 2 months at a time. They like them because they are reminded of things they forgot.
Mary_Lou> Sometimes I can ramble. I don't know whether people would appreciate my rambling!
blessedvalley> The other day I was approached by a young woman on the forum and she said she needed prayer but did not know how to pray, so I told her to write out just like she was talking to me!
GUEST_BETTY> I do all my writing on the computer, where corrections are easy. This wasn't always done.
GUEST_BETTY> I DO NOT edit to the extent that they would be "magazine" worthy, I tend to ramble. No one complains about it.
Sandra> I do a small bound journal for each year. I collect quotes, scripture, favorite passages from books, jokes, magazine pics, photos and a few of my own thoughts. I neglect it for weeks at a time but always come back to it.
Mary_Lou> That's lovely, Sandra!
GUEST_BETTY> Sandra, thanks for the thoughts. You sound very organized.
Sandra> not at all
GUEST_BETTY> I like the way you have it collected in one place.
Ron> sometimes you need a note pad and pencil beside your bed for thoughts, insights, during the night
craftingrama> I don't think rambling would be a problem I read the knit blogs online and believe me you get more then knitting info LOL. Some of them I know more about them then I do my own family
GUEST_BETTY> any good thoughts
Mary_Lou> You're right, Ron. I get some good ideas in the wee small hours of the morning but am too lazy to get up and write them down. If I had the paper and pen right there, I wouldn't lose those thoughts by the time I get up.
GUEST_BETTY> Ron, I used to keep a tape recorder by my bed to write down ideas, but I don't do that anymore. But when I'm relaxed is when I have the best thoughts.
[HOST_Carolann] if I don't things down right away I forget them, I'm the same
blessedvalley> I have found through years of practice that if the thought is from God He will help me remember them! If they are just rambling I will soon forget them!
GUEST_BETTY> Well, Ron, not WRITE ideas on a tape recorder, but you get the idea.
GUEST_BETTY> I like the idea of writing things down when you think of them. Sometimes I get up at night to write myself a note about remembering to pay a bill. But I haven't done a bill paying topic yet. Hey, that's an idea I can assign next month!!!!
Mary_Lou> What about scrap booking? That has become all the rage where I live.
GUEST_BETTY> craftingrama, EXACTLY!!! You know more about the bloggers than your own family. AND, perhaps your family should know more about your experiences and ideas.
rgkrause> I have a lot of memory problems.
blessedvalley> sometimes he reaction to certain meds can cause problems with memory
GUEST_BETTY> blesssedvalley, this is true. My brain gets foggy sometimes
Mary_Lou> Fibrofog causes lapses in memory, too.
GUEST_BETTY> I've got that, and can relate
GUEST_BETTY> It may be one reason I decided to write things down.
cjake> Needs a foghorn and lighthouse
GUEST_BETTY> Right cjake
cjake> that is I do
Alice> Me Too! Fibrofog is an aggravation in many ways
GUEST_BETTY> I love when my 23 and 24 year old grandsons read my writings about them. They laugh and laugh. I can tell you for sure. What they did at 5 and 6 years old I thought I'd never forget....... I would have if it wasn't written down
GUEST_BETTY> Fibromyalgia is one of my diagnoses. Understand what you're saying Alice and Mary Lou
GUEST_BETTY> Our most recent monthly writing was "Write your own obituary."
Alice> I think Journalling is a great idea -- especially about family. My grandchildren are always asking me to tell them stories about their mom or day when they were young.
GUEST_BETTY> Does that sound morbid?
blessedvalley> A passage of scripture that has helped me tremendously is Proverbs 3:5-6!
blessedvalley> I have done that!
GUEST_BETTY> Two of u s did a serious one. One did a "spoof" and one refused to do it, but wrote the value of a life lived for Christ instead. So you see, we each write according to our own convictions.
Sharon> so have I
Mary_Lou> It's only morbid if you don't keep a sense of humour about it.
Sharon> it's practical for someone that's alone
GUEST_BETTY> Alice, you've gotten the idea, that's for sure.
Alice> I meant to say "dad" - and no, I don't think that sounds morbid. It could be very helpful to those left behind. I've been there and done that more times than I would like to say
Ron> "I told you I was sick!"
craftingrama> in my psche class we were recommended to do it once a year for the rest of our lives and each year reread the previous years and try to find a change
Mary_Lou> LOL! Ron~!
GUEST_BETTY> that's neat. craftingrama
blessedvalley> Because of the nature of my cancer, I have at times worked on my funeral service! I have written how I would like it to be performed! Is that morbid?
Alice> Ha-ha! Ron! That's funny!
Mary_Lou> It probably makes it easier for those left behind, eh?
margie> My daughter has enjoyed reading my journals about her childhood so much that now she is a journaler. I am always asking her "did you write that down?"
GUEST_BETTY> blessedvalley, I have done this (wrote out my service), and I even "engaged" the singer, gave him tapes of the songs I want sung, and "engaged" the preacher. This is all contingent on their outliving me........
blessedvalley> I have found when dealing with family that have been prepared ahead it made it a lot easier on them!
Dana> Blessedvalley, it seems to me that anything that helps you cope with your cancer and situation is not morbid but definitely a help for you and for your family.
margie> forgive typos!
blessedvalley> yes
Mary_Lou> Typos are allowed, margie! ::smile
blessedvalley> we all are guilty of typos
GUEST_BETTY> Hop in at any moment, but I'll give you some other titles my little group has done
Sandra> I think your idea of a journaling topic for each month would be a great way to communicate with relatives who live far away.
GUEST_BETTY> First kiss, my wedding (I was 17 - still married MANY YEARS LATER)
GUEST_BETTY> Yes Sandra, my relatives like it.
craftingrama> congratulations
blessedvalley> Have ever come across a family with more than one disabled person? And how do you approach such a situation?
GUEST_BETTY> topics: down the drain (every lose anything down the drain?)
Alice> Yes -- medication!!!
GUEST_BETTY> My kind of music; Goals; How I got my name
Alice> And, it is aggravating because it costs so much
[HOST_Carolann] heheh you sure have some creative and fun ideas Betty
GUEST_BETTY> Alice - OOPS! I recently lost the diamond out of my engagement ring, I suspect that's where it went.
blessedvalley> was it insured
GUEST_BETTY> One topic was on "lamps" I counted the lamps in my house...... I was amazed.
GUEST_BETTY> No, it was my engagement ring too!
blessedvalley> You can take the p trap lose and it will probably be in it still if it went there
GUEST_BETTY> "The road not taken" "gadgets"
Alice> I love going from room to room and counting things that others have given me and "just remembering" So much fun! and, also gives me time to pray for different people I might not have thought about in a while
Mary_Lou> Do you include hardships, difficult times in your writing? Or do you prefer only to share the happier aspects of life?
blessedvalley> one that will keep you busy counting is courting the Lord's daily blessings
GUEST_BETTY> I taught school for 27 years, and have lots of collections. I pray for the giver of the pin, tree ornament, etc. when I see them. Alice, you would be a good journal buddy.
Dana> Wonderful idea, blessedvalley.
GUEST_BETTY> Mary Lou, Yes. We've delved into some hard subjects
Alice> Thanks -- I might have to give it a try
margie> Betty, I love the monthly topic idea, so creative, a way to really think about things
GUEST_BETTY> Floods, Trials and Tribulation; Hospital stays and visits, Loss of loved ones
blessedvalley> I have had to come to grips with a lot of hardship since my wife divorced me
[HOST_Carolann] I agree Margie, it would make you think things out
chelle00> I have several journals- one for dumping, one for blessings, one for everyday things I don't want to forget, one for sermon notes, etc. The dumping one I plan to burn so no one ever reads it!
blessedvalley> but I have found that no matter how hard things get there is always hope in the Lord
GUEST_BETTY> "My Worst Nightmare"
Mary_Lou> Amen to that, blessedvalley! We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us!
GUEST_BETTY> blessedvalley, I pray the Lord will hold you and bless you today. He is your Comfort.
blessedvalley> amen
Mary_Lou> chelle00 -- it sounds like you've been journalling for long time!
Mary_Lou> Good for you!
GUEST_BETTY> chelle, I wrote one for each of my daughters when they entered their senior year in high school. They were supposed to be positive.
craftingrama> chelle00 that is a good idea. I know my family is fraught with horror stories and sometimes I just want to vent when a memory hits but my family want me to forget and pretend they never happened
chelle00> I want to go back through mine and compile stories about each of my daughters for them
Ron> I've been keeping a spiritual journal for the past 15 years or so.
blessedvalley> that is the ostrich affect and it is not good for emotions
GUEST_BETTY> Recently, I read one, and it started out great. Then it got into some unthoughtful teenaged behavior, and my reaction to it. I think I'll finish reading and burn it. She is 43 now, and sooooooo precious, and loves the Lord so much. I don't think I want to remind her of those hard times.
Mary_Lou> I have to leave. Thanks very much for all the excellent ideas, Betty. God bless you! Happy journalling!!!!
[HOST_Carolann] Our chat is just coming to the end of the hour
Mary_Lou> Good-bye everyone!
GUEST_BETTY> Bless you Mary Lou, It's been good to learn to know you.
blessedvalley> bye
[HOST_Carolann] it's been really great to have you Batty
Alice> Bye Mary Lou!
[HOST_Carolann] Betty sorry!!!
[HOST_Carolann] my typing again
GUEST_BETTY> Bye to each of you.
[HOST_Carolann] anyone wanting to stay and chat longer please feel free
Sharon> need to go too....thanks for the ideas betty.
chelle00> I have to go, too- time to pick daughter up from school. It's been wonderful!
Alice> Thanks Betty and Carol Ann - and Debbie
Dana> Some of us may not have energy to write. But, I have a friend who records words and transports them to the computer.
GUEST_BETTY> I loved the "Batty" thing. It reminds me of something silly I have done. Can I tell you about it?
[HOST_Carolann] you are all very welcome
Sandra> Blessings to you all!
[HOST_Carolann] hehehe, yes please do
GUEST_BETTY> I go at a BIG craft show at our state Capital every hear.
GUEST_BETTY> That's every YEAR, see I do it too.
blessedvalley> there are some programs that are voice activated that help those unable to type
GUEST_BETTY> blesssedvalley, that's a great idea too. I'm so glad you joined us.
margie> It is so sad - I was a lifetime journaler, then stopped when I became really ill.
Dana> I believe I'll try that--blessed valley--thank you.
GUEST_BETTY> Margie, maybe you could record your thoughts like someone suggested.
blessedvalley> that is sad you have experienced things that could be of a real help to others
margie> I guess I felt I had nothing to say anymore....
craftingrama> ok I'm a prodigal daughter with no training here so what is a spiritual journal I've come across that an awful lot lately
GUEST_BETTY> They have a drawing every year, and I KNOW that is just to get your name and address. For the past few years, I have written my name in different ways and then when things come in the mail, I KNOW they came from them. I've used several names, but not "batty" YET. I go this Sat. Maybe I'll use it this year.
Dana> I need to go... Thank you Betty and everyone for a great chat. Dana
[HOST_Carolann] hehehe Betty that's a fun idea - my husband used to do that so he knew where junk mail was coming from
blessedvalley> bye Dana
GUEST_BETTY> carftingrama, it is just writing down your HONEST thoughts. God already KNOWS your thoughts, but putting them on paper is something that can help YOU.
blessedvalley> I have no problem with junk mail or with junk email any more it is these persistent calls that bother me
GUEST_BETTY> craftingrama, Then as you look back on your thoughts, you can see if CIRCUMSTANCES have changed, or if YOU have changed. It is a journey you can see. You may not remember how you felt, or what was happening at a certain time.
GUEST_BETTY> But as you look back, you can see how THINGS, and YOU have developed.
GUEST_BETTY> You can also see how God has worked in your life, and how your relationship with HIM is doing.
blessedvalley> especially in relation to the disease or disability
[HOST_Carolann] I think that is so important
craftingrama> oh ok its been popping up at me so often I was wondering if God was knocking on my to do door again
[HOST_Carolann] craftingmama, that could be! maybe you need to give it a whirl
GUEST_BETTY> craftingrama, I don't think it was a mistake that you were here today. I believe that God is indeed speaking to you.
Ron> craftingrama, it's a great way to record how God has been working in your life
Ron> it helps you to get to know His ways
blessedvalley> and Him better
Ron> yes indeed'
GUEST_BETTY> Ron, I'm so honored you'd be joining us "tomorrow" Lord bless you. Thanks for your contributions
craftingrama> Oh I got that one a week ago LOL. I have been majorly upset because of my disability and deafness I can't go to church and kinda let lose on Him as to "How the heck was I supposed to know what to do if I didn't have training. TV programs and my e-sword weren't quite cutting it
blessedvalley> when you begin to look back and see how God has delivered you or touched you in a special way
GUEST_BETTY> Thank all of you for making my time with you so RICH!
[HOST_Carolann] it has been our pleasure and blessing too Batty
[HOST_Carolann] Betty sorry there I go again
blessedvalley> lol
[HOST_Carolann] hehehe, NOT intentional, I assure you
blessedvalley> I believe you
GUEST_BETTY> I'm getting to look at the word in a different way
Ron> thanks Betty for sharing your insights and inspiring us
CoHost_Debbie> Thank you for the great ideas Betty
blessedvalley> Thank you Betty for sharing with us
[HOST_Carolann] it's been a great time
GUEST_BETTY> My extreme pleasure. Thanks for allowing me to share with you.
[HOST_Carolann] God bless you Betty and all of you, thanks for coming today
margie> Goodbye and blessings everyone. SO glad our Wednesdays are back on!!
GUEST_BETTY> Don't forget, I like to travel, invite me to a women's retreat or Christian Women's Club......
craftingrama> thank you for some really good ideas