Living A Strong Passionate Life In The Midst Of Chronic Pain Or Illness

Kat Dunkle

Welcome!
[HOST_Carolann] welcome all first timers!
[HOST_Carolann] glad you are here today
GUEST_KAT> Hi Friends, What a privilege to join with you speaking on how to stay strong in the midst of chronic pain or illness. Welcome! My name is Kathy (Kat) Dunkle and six years ago I agreed with a physician that my right knee should be replaced. Many years before I had a water ski accident that tore my knee so severely that they considered amputation. Although the knee was saved it was never stable, it was always painful, ugly and swollen. As an athlete that enjoyed running, tennis, handball, skiing and chasing after three young sons, I didn't have any desire to slow down. I continued to do the things. GUEST_KAT> . My knee was swollen, discolored and hot to the touch. An infection was ruled out and no one seemed to know what was wrong. I was in constant pain, like hundreds of bees stinging me. Pain medication helped, but didn't cure what was wrong. I spent days in physical therapy and nights crying because of the pain and confusion. I tripped easily and had several bad falls, frustration
GUEST_KAT> and depression became part of my life. My doctor finally diagnosed me with RSD or Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy. This is a disorder that comes from the pain center in the body and sends messages to the brain that you are in pain. I was sent to another specialist that confirmed the diagnosis. At this point I was confident the doc's could cure this. I was hospitalized seven times for neurological blocks that were the most horrific, painful things I'd ever experienced
GUEST_KAT> with no anaesthetic but there was the hope that this would shock my nervous system back to normal. This failed, the burning stinging pain continued and my leg became more useless. Unable to walk very far, the constant pain and not able to do the things I loved caused me to become anxious and depressed. I was sent to a psychiatrist and put on anti-depressants then came the devastating news that now because so much time had passed
GUEST_KAT> the prognosis of cure was not good, that I would continue to live with the pain that my leg would eventually atrophy and I could possibly lose the use of it. The best that the doctors had to offer was pain control. I sought out the best specialists I could find and
GUEST_KAT> refused to accept the diagnosis but all that did was cause tremendous stress and frustration as test after test revealed nothing wrong. Yes, they could see the swollen mass that used to be my leg, they could feel how hot it was how discolored it was, but the tests
GUEST_KAT> showed nothing. So I ended up at a pain clinic and for six years have lived with RSD. Here is where life gets tricky. Almost every one of my friends, or acquaintances has
GUEST_KAT> some remedy or doctor or snake oil for me. For a long time I was willing to try anything. I also have had well-meaning doctors that talked about people (meaning me) that love being on pain medication because of the feelings of euphoria or maybe I just wanted
GUEST_KAT> attention even though they could see the red swollen hot mass that used to be my leg. I was at the pain clinic recently and ran into an attractive lady in the waiting room. We started talking and she told me about her brother, dying of terminal cancer and in terrible pain. He committed suicide because he was afraid to take pain medication and become
GUEST_KAT> addicted. As I sat down to talk with my doctor, Stuart DuPen head of the pain clinic at Swedish Hospital in Seattle, her words kept spinning in my head, what a tragedy. I told him about the ladies brother and my own fears of addiction and he said something that really stuck with me, " Addiction comes from a MENTAL DESIRE for the drug, a person that is DEPENDENT on pain medication is NOT ADDICTED, they are DEPENDENT
GUEST_KAT> and there is a big difference". If you have the tendency towards addiction whether it is alcohol, cigarettes, food then you might have a problem with pain medication. If you are living with chronic pain you need to have a good medical doctor that specializes in treating pain and follow their advice. There are medications today that don't give you
GUEST_KAT> "feelings of euphoria", I hate that feeling that's why I don't like the drug of alcohol. Because I chose to take the doctors advise and take medication, I can do some different exciting things. I say different, because I can no longer run, play tennis, ski and thankfully my sons have grown into adults so I no longer chase after them but I found other wonderful, fulfilling things to do. I took classes and started writing, I have
GUEST_KAT> requirements to become a CLASS communicator, speaking to people which is so fun and that's why I'm here with you. I'm not in a wheelchair, I'm not on antidepressants and I want to share with you some of the reasons I have succeeded.
GUEST_KAT> I am a Christian and have deep faith in God. Although the Bible speaks of healing and I believe that can happen, it didn't happen to me and it didn't happen to the apostle Paul either. That doesn't make us failures, or unloved by God, also I don't believe we were chosen to bear this burden. My husband and I continue to pray that I will be healed and that's where we leave it, at God's feet. Then I pick up my golf clubs and off I go, limping maybe not as fast as I'd like, in a cart, but I go! So lets chat about some issues.
GUEST_KAT> Lets start with Denial. Have any of you experienced that?
elizabeth> yes
Ingrid> yes, I have
GUEST_KAT> Tell us about it elizabeth and ingrid
Ron> yes
Ingrid> still doing the denial thing, keep saying I will ski again, will play tennis
GUEST_KAT> Sounds like it's pretty common with these things.
elizabeth> I meant yet to the handouts but I have also had denial
GUEST_KAT> Yes Ingrid stay positive
GUEST_KAT> When in denial we tend to continue trying to live the lives we did before and when we can't we feel like failures
Ingrid> Did you go through a grieving time over the things you could no longer do? We seem to do it as it comes? "Oh, this is another thing I can't do." Then, we do a little grieving over that till we are OK with it.
GUEST_KAT> But we're not!!!!
GUEST_KAT> Oh yes Ingrid I did grieve
[HOST_Carolann] you can get the handout at www.restministries.org/CHAT/handout_dunkle.PDF
GUEST_KAT> I was angry also
GUEST_KAT> All that is very common
GUEST_KAT> We just have to learn to move on and not stay stuck in anger or grieving
GUEST_KAT> Anyone else want to share about the anger or grieving they felt?
Ingrid> I feel that since so many people are praying for my healing, that God has a good reason for saying no or wait. I just trust him on that. Still have the grieving occasionally, but this really helps - to know that God will use it.
Ann_E.> Even tho it's been 16 years, I still grieve at times, because I had to give up a teaching career.
GUEST_KAT> Good ingrid
GUEST_KAT> Yes Ann, but I be you have a lot to teach about still
Alice> For me, it's the comments others make that cause me to go back to the anger and grieving stage from time to time.
GUEST_KAT> Ann, It just becomes different think of all the people you can teach about everyday circumstances
[HOST_Carolann] what kind of comments Alice?
GUEST_KAT> Yes Alice what comments we need to know
Ann_E.> Yes, I look disabled and sometimes people stare.
Alice> Such as why can't you still go do this or that -- or why can't you be on your feet like you use to, etc.
GUEST_KAT> Let them stare, and pray for them
Alice> The people i have actually given handouts about my health issues will still say things like that to me Maybe they just don't read them....or believe what i am saying.
GUEST_KAT> I understand, they stare at me too and wonder why I wear shorts to golf in when my leg is so ugly...so what!
GUEST_KAT> Yes, alice I think most people are so engrossed in their own problems, they don't want to take the time to hear about ours.
Alice> I feel like i am letting people down at church because i can't help with things i used to do all the time....and they depended on me doing them/
GUEST_KAT> That's a lie of the enemy alice and your feeling guilty about something you shouldn't
GUEST_KAT> Lets move on to depression sounds like some of that is here
Alice> Exactly. I have even had people say to me after knowing i have health issues -- when i say something about it....they say what health problem? So, i think you are right, at the time you are trying to share about "why i can't" they are thinking about something else. Okay -- onward!!!!
GUEST_KAT> Depression is common with illness and what do some of you do to make yourself feel good!
GUEST_KAT> I love to sit in a chair outside and marvel at God's creation, breathe deep and know He is with me
[HOST_Carolann] me too, sitting and watching the birds at the bird feeder lifts my spirits
Ann_E.> I like to go the a bible study at church and be with other people.
Alice> I go shopping at the Thrift Stores :) when i feel my body will let me. (hee-hee)
GUEST_KAT> Yes, getting out is so important even when you don't feel like it
Alice> And, i put on praise tapes -- that always helps.
Alice> I love singing along, and find my spirits lifting when i praise HIM.
Ron> I'm here
Ingrid> I allow myself a certain amount of time. Learned this from "Tuesdays with Morrie". You can stop and get on with things, knowing that tomorrow at 8 am you can be sad for 15 minutes, or whatever you choose.
GUEST_KAT> I love my favorite chair and my blanket a cup of good tea. Praise will always lift your spirit! Good point Ingrid
Ingrid> Me too Alice, the praise songs are soooo helpful to me.
GUEST_KAT> So Ingrid do you give yourself some time for a pity party? Maybe 10 minutes....sounds interesting
GUEST_KAT> How do you all handle self pity?
elizabeth> I feel like you all have more problems, I can walk. I have a head injury because I was hit as a pedestrian by a car. I hear loud and my head hurts and I have balance problems and concentration problems and so much fatigue. But some of you sound like you have such greater problems. I can't drive hardly at all anymore. Well, anyway that is where I am. This happened 4 1/2 yrs. ago and my life is totally different now. I look fine though. You can't see a head injury.
Alice> I call someone from my HopeKeeepers Group -- usually ends up they needed to talk as badly as i did. but, sometimes i don't really want to talk -- so i sit with a christine fiction book and a good hot cup of herb tea-- and my fleecy blanket. Okay -- onward again.
Ingrid> Yes, when I need it. It's maybe about 3 or 4 days in a row every two months. Then I just choose about 5 to 10 minutes to grieve and be sad, then all day, if I get sad, I can stop and say, No, I will do that tomorrow.
[HOST_Carolann] when I realise I am wallowing in self pity I confess it to the Lord and ask His help to focus on Him and all His blessings instead
Alice> Elizabeth - i too was hit by a car and suffer the same problems as you -- and then some. and, you probably have more problems, too. But like you....i can walk and do things.....i just have to pace myself.
GUEST_KAT> Very good, it's ok to feel self pity, but we can't let it become sin, it becomes sin when it blocks us from the Lord.
Louise> I am trying to handle self pity now. I am seeing golf, church , shopping, and I am semi bedridden.
elizabeth> Oh, it is wonderful to talk to someone who knows somewhat where I am. Yes, I have more problems too.
GUEST_KAT> Sorry Louise, but you can type, and you can probably speak I'm sure you have so much to share
Ingrid> Very good point Kat. That is the key. Not to feel guilty for being sad, but getting control of it so it doesn't affect our ability to serve God and others.
GUEST_KAT> Absolutely, we all have a purpose and some ability
Alice> Elizabeth, i am free to talk to you by e-mail if you are comfortable sharing your address. Or we can do it after the chat is over.
GUEST_KAT> I believe God never takes anything away that he doesn't replace with an ability to do something even greater.
Alice> Amen. I wouldn't be doing a HopeKeepers group if i hadn't become ill.
Ingrid> My husband and children have been grieving lately. I feel sad about that. If anyone has something similar, please share your feelings about how this affects your family.
GUEST_KAT> i tend to sit and listen
Molly> same here
GUEST_KAT> Good point Ingrid
Ingrid> Oh, I like that KAT, that God gives us a NEW ability as we lose an ability.. Thank You. I will put that one on the refrigerator!
GUEST_KAT> Your welcome ingrid
GUEST_KAT> This is so hard on families and the best thing we can do is stay strong for them
GUEST_KAT> Stay strong by doing good things for yourself, like the praise,
GUEST_KAT> I did some prison ministry for awhile. I had a lady that was in for life, sort of like us huh. She had given up wanted to commit suicide
Dana> I have two young children, ages 7 and almost 6. What I have realized is that at each stage of their development I have to come up with new ways to describe my illness. Yes, it dramatically affects their lives, but I hope to look on this in a positive way--like they are learning compassion at a younger age.
GUEST_KAT> Great Dana
GUEST_KAT> Kids are so great, they can accept anything if we are honest with them
Dana> thank you--although this is not easy for them, etc. as each of you probably have in your families
Ingrid> Yes, Dana, good point. Sometimes it's hard for me to juggle the good I know is coming from it for myself and my family with the hardship. You know, like grieve the losses, yet relish in the blessings it brings.
GUEST_KAT> Anyway, I told this lady in prison that was a lie from the pit of hell. Never give up. I love the positive tone I hear from all of you!!
Ingrid> How is the woman doing, Kat? I will pray for her.
GUEST_KAT> Our families become stronger as they walk our journey with us
GUEST_KAT> She is fine last I heard I pray for her also. Just think sitting in a cell all alone for the rest of your life she had no family or friends and no way to make any
GUEST_KAT> We can make friends and look we have this support right here, how great!
Ingrid> Oh,no. I'm sorry she doesn't get to interact with the other prisoners.
GUEST_KAT> Nope
Ron> can she receive letters?
GUEST_KAT> Ok, how do you stay strong physically?
Dana> I also think it is a matter of not using our wills to try to make things better for ourselves and our loved ones, but calling on the name of the LORD, and allowing the Holy Spirit to minister as needed. The surrendering part is hard, but gives many rewards.
[HOST_Carolann] daily stretching exercises and walking
elizabeth> The same as you Carolann
Ingrid> Good point Dana. What a wonderful thing to learn from all this -- our dependence on him.
GUEST_KAT> Even if your bedridden
[HOST_Carolann] try to eat healthy foods
Ingrid> Very light exercise, on the floor.
GUEST_KAT> It's hard isn't it
Ron> walking
linda5455> I do water aerobics 3x a week in a warm pool with others that suffer from physical pain
[HOST_Carolann] oh Linda I would love to be able to do that
Louise> I try to get things for myself and not ask my family. Every step counts!
Alice> I can't do my daily walking like i used to because of the fatigue and foot problems -- but i have stairs that i have to go up and down many times a day....i don't want to give them up yet as they do give me some exercise.
GUEST_KAT> One thing that's important is not to let this stop you or give you an excuse, even if it hurts. Great going all of you, I like to walk also Ron
[HOST_Carolann] stairs are excellent exercise Alice
GUEST_KAT> Yes, get those quads going
Ron> also try to get my arms swinging
Ingrid> It's hard to have the discipline to do it. I am failing at it. Plus, my doctors are in disagreement as to whether I should do any exercise as has a significant chance of exacerbating things if I cross "the line". Hard to know where that line is. How do you all know when "too much is too much?"
Louise> Stairs in my house too - I have to use them if I want any clean clothes - machines are down there!!!
GUEST_KAT> When I was in bed I would just flex muscles, hold and release its' great
linda5455> I think if the exercise increases your pain significantly it is too much
GUEST_KAT> Ingrid, You shouldn't go to the point of pain that no pain no gain thing is wrong!!!
Alice> Same here Ingrid. doctors orders to limit the exercise -- and i have found out the hard way that he is right.
lou> Thank God for heating pads.
Ingrid> How do you all stay motivated when you are not feeling well?
[HOST_Carolann] yes Lou, I use them alot!
Alice> That's a hard one for me......i need you good advice
Ingrid> Makes it a little scary to even try sometimes, doesn't it, Alice?
lou> puzzle always helps
Alice> Yes! Yes!
GUEST_KAT> You need to heed your docs advice
Ingrid> Louise - good idea!
Louise> I don't feel the pain for 36 hours after the exertion - so that makes it hard
Dana> I focus on what I can do that is healthy--eat healthy foods. I let the exercise go and only do stretching in bed as I can.
Alice> Me, too Louise.
GUEST_KAT> Stretching is great exercise!
GUEST_KAT> You burn calories stretching, did you know that?
Alice> I get on this chat line each week -- i have always left these chats more motivated. Thanks everyone!
Dana> no, I didn't. Yeah!!!
Ingrid> I don't know until after the exercise that it was too much. It is a fatigue issue and I don't feel it immediately during the exercise. So "the line" is scary.
lou> sit and fit at senior center and tv
Ingrid> Me too Louise
GUEST_KAT> Great going, don't you feel like you've made friends here?
Louise> Exactly, Ingrid.
Mary_LouC> Hearty laughter also burns calories. So let's keep laughing, eh?
Dana> I am the same, Ingrid.
[HOST_Carolann] good thinking Mary Lou!
Alice> Laughter is good medicine according to God's word
GUEST_KAT> I love it Mary Lou
Mary_LouC> I'm not kidding. Laughing does burn off calories and it releases endorphins, the body's nature mood-lifters.
GUEST_KAT> I think I'll go have a hot fudge sunday
GUEST_KAT> Your right Mary Lou
Ann_E.> I have to go. This has been very helpful. Bye everyone!
Ingrid> I don't know anyone who has these same problems. It is so helpful to just know that you all KNOW.
elizabeth> This is my first time on here and it has helped me so much.
GUEST_KAT> Praise God elizabeth
Louise> We\ laugh til we cry here in our family. Silliness is highly underrated!!!!
Ingrid> Bye Anne
Alice> Glad you got on the chat today, Elizabeth.
elizabeth> Me too Alice!!
lou> thanks for the chat learned a lot today God bless love lou
[HOST_Carolann] our hour is just about up. Kat do you have any closing comments?
Louise> Ingrid, - many, many of us have your problems!
GUEST_KAT> I turn to Christ for my strength just remember you all have a gift, search it out and lean on Jesus for your strength
Alice> My husband always makes me laugh. He is such a wonderful spouse -- so upbeat no matter what.....and so funny.
Ron> amen
Dana> Very inspiring, Kat and all. It is so good to be encouraged.
linda5455> thanks this has been very helpful
[HOST_Carolann] Thanks so much Kat for all you shared
[HOST_Carolann] it's been great
[HOST_Carolann] and thank you all for coming
GUEST_KAT> He said my grace is sufficient for thee for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities,
elizabeth> Bye all of you I will for sure be here again. Thank you KAT for all you shared...for all each of you shared.
Alice> Thanks so much everyone -- especially Carolann and Kat.
Mary_LouC> Thanks, Kat. Yours is a wonderful testimony. May God continue to bless you and your ministry!
[HOST_Carolann] you're welcome
GUEST_KAT> Thanks all,
Alice> Again, i am going away encouraged. Maybe i'll have a hot fudge sundae, too.
Mary_LouC> I have to go now, too. Bye all!
[HOST_Carolann] I know alot of you need to go and so feel free to go or stay and keep chatting if you wish
[HOST_Carolann] the chat room is open 24/7