Her books include four novels for Moody: From Dust and Ashes (2003), Night Song (2004), and Dawn of a Thousand Nights (2005), and Arms of Deliverance (July 2006). Night Song was awarded ACFW's 2005 Book of the Year for Long Historical Romance.

Tricia has also published Life Interrupted: The Scoop on Being a Young Mom (Zondervan, June 2004) and 10 Minutes to Showtime (Tommy Nelson, October 2004). Her next non-fiction book Generation NeXt Parenting will be published September 2006 (Multnomah). Tricia and her husband, John, live in Montana with their three children where she mentors teen mothers.

5/7/05

HOST_Carolann: Welcome again everyone! And a special welcome to Tricia Goyer who is our guest speaker for today.
patiese has joined.
HOST_Carolann: Tricia is here to talk to us today about comparing our weaknesses to others' strengths.
HOST_Carolann: In addition to home schooling her children, leading Bible studies, and writing articles and books, Tricia has also founded a crisis pregnancy center and has launched various support groups for teens and teen parents.
HOST_Carolann: Welcome Tricia, and I will turn our time over to you.
GuestTricia: Thank you, Carolann.
GuestTricia: In My Dreams: Our Struggle with Comparing our Weaknesses to Others' Strengths
kp has joined.
GuestTricia: (Most of this material is revised from my upcoming book Generation NeXt Parenting due to hit store shelves September 2006.)
GuestTricia: As believers, we all know we are special creations, unique and precious to God. Yet why do we struggle with comparing our lives, our bodies, our kids, our talents (or lack of talents) with others?
GuestTricia: In reality, we need to look past who we "dream" to be and consider God's dreams instead.
GuestTricia: In God's word, we read: "God-of-the-Angel-Armies speaks: 'Exactly as I planned, it will happen. Following my blueprints, it will take shape," says Isaiah 14:24 (The Message). Don't you love that?
HOST_Carolann: I love that translation of that verse!
GuestTricia: You're going to like this too: The word "planned" here is translated "compare." It's as if God has weighed the different possibilities, looked at them from all angles, and then chose the best way. He makes the blueprints . . . then He constructs them into our reality.
kp: that is a very expressive version
HOST_Carolann: wow
patiese: That a great verse
GuestTricia: This is the life the Lord has constructed for us. Not the life, body, health, or circumstances we wished we'd had. Or the perfect life we can never attain. But the blueprints and the form He is forming into reality.
GuestTricia: I know this in my head. But sometimes I have trouble living it out. Maybe you can relate?
HOST_Carolann: absolutely
kp: definitely
GuestTricia: I have a good example of this from my own life . . .
patiese: yea big time
GuestTricia: A few years ago a new co-worker started working at my husband's office. Skyler seemed like a nice guy, and my husband urged me to invite his family over for dinner.
GuestTricia: "I hear his wife Tara is nice," John told me. "I think you'd like her."
GuestTricia: (Famous last words . . )
GuestTricia: I would have invited them over, except Tara's reputation had preceded her. While I was happy to throw together a frozen lasagne, bag of salad, and pre-done garlic bread for dinner. Tara prepared culinary delights, complete with homemade desserts, or so I heard.
GuestTricia: My concept of canned vegetables were those I picked up from the grocery store shelf, but rumor had it Tara's shelves were lined with jars of produce she grew and canned herself. She also made her children quilts and stamped all her own greeting cards. I was intimidated to say the least.
patiese: who wouldn't be
GuestTricia: The first time we met at an office Christmas party was less than a success. Tara was nice but reserved, and I was no better. I found out later she was as intimidated by what she had heard about me.
GuestTricia: I was a writer who homeschooled my children and faithfully led children's church each week. Tara feared she could never live up to my standards, and I was certain I fell far below hers.
GuestTricia: This is how comparisons get us in trouble. Yet we do it all the time.
HOST_Carolann: yes for sure
GuestTricia: It's as if I'm always comparing myself to others, to see how I "measure up."
patiese: why is that? We are all children of God!
kp: yes making comparisons can be so crippling
GuestTricia: Yes, we are children of God . . . Then Tara and I got to know each other.
GuestTricia: One morning I felt God leading me to invite Tara and her family over for dinner. I asked my husband to make the arrangements; then I set to work on my best recipe.
GuestTricia: When Tara called to confirm the invitation, she offered to bring dessert. I told her not to bother, but she insisted, confessing that she had over a dozen homemade pies stored in her freezer. How could I say no?
GuestTricia: Dinner turned out fine, but the conversation afterward was the turning point. As Tara and I strolled in the woods behind my house, she asked me about church.
patiese: Pie is always good
GuestTricia: (It WAS good pie too!)
GuestTricia: As I shared about my family's relationship with the Lord, her face glowed with excitement. Before the evening was out, Tara and her husband had made plans to join us at a Bible study the following week. Soon they regularly attended worship services, and a few months later both were baptized.
HOST_Carolann: wow that's neat!
patiese: That's awesome
PASTOR_NICK: THAT SOUNDS WONDERFUL
GuestTricia: Isn't God good?!!! After Tara and I became friends, the truth about our initial misgivings came out.
GuestTricia: .We both had been so busy comparing our own weaknesses to the other's strengths that we had successfully held each other at bay for over a year.
Pamela: Sounds like a true friendship
GuestTricia: It is true friendship. Amazingly, Tara is now one of my closest friends, and I shudder to think how my own comparisons almost kept us from being friends.
GuestTricia: So what gives? Why are we so concerned with how we compare to others that we often miss out on enjoying friends, family, and life in general?
patiese: It funny I first thought a man at a choir was stuck up but I ended up married to him and he is wonderful
GuestTricia: If you struggle with this issue, my friend, Judy, offers this encouragement: "We may lose focus because of what others think of us, or crave the accolades of others, but we should keep our eyes on the prize: pleasing God. To hear, 'Well done, good and faithful servant' at the end of our life-that, truly, is all that really matters."
HOST_Carolann: hehehe, that's a good example patiese
Pamela: Amen
GuestTricia: Good thing you got over that comparison Patiese!
GuestTricia: Did you catch that? Our focus should be to please God . . . wherever and whoever we are.
HOST_Carolann: yes amen
GuestTricia: It's okay to have longings. But even before we worry about what we desire for our lives, the first step is to not let our dreams motivate us, but instead let His.
PASTOR_NICK: THATS RIGHT
patiese: Yes but why do we this at first?
GuestTricia: Here's another good verse . . .
Pamela: That is what is happening to me right now Tricia
GuestTricia: "Remember your history, your long and rich history. I am God, the only God you've had or ever will have-from the beginning telling you what the ending will be, all along letting you in on what is going to happen, amazing you," we read in Isaiah 46:10-11. "I'm in this for the long haul, I'll do exactly what I set out to do." (The Message)
GuestTricia: To answer your question. I think we compare FIRST because we lose sight of God.
GuestTricia: It's easy to see everything else around us.
GuestTricia: And everyone else.
HOST_Carolann: yes so true
GuestTricia: It takes focus to, uh, focus on God.
Pamela: and how special He made each of us
GuestTricia: Since I write both non-fiction books and novels. It helps me SO MUCH to realize God sees the whole story.
patiese: Ok that makes sense!
GuestTricia: Even before I type Page 1, He knows how the book is going to end.
GuestTricia: It is the same with our lives.
patiese: That amazes me!
GuestTricia: And He has something beautiful planned if we believe in Him and trust in Him.
GuestTricia: God has longings for us even greater than we imagine, and He's willing to tell us these things as we seek Him out.
GuestTricia: That amazes me too!
patiese: Trust is hard to do sometimes!
GuestTricia: Trust is hard, because we've all been hurt.
GuestTricia: My friend, Cara, adds this: "I think we fear rejection. We've all been rejected by peers at some point. So we build walls and do it all in an attempt to avoid more hurt that is inflicted when we fail to be all we are expected to be. Inside we die from the pressure. But we don't know how to get off the rollercoaster of fear and isolation."
GuestTricia: So what do we do now? We have a problem with comparing ourselves, but where do we turn?
HOST_Carolann: been there for sure and it's not a pleasant place to be
GuestTricia: All of us have a problem with comparing. How do we deal with it? (Also revised from Tricia's book Generation NeXt Parenting.) Now we're getting to the TIPS!
GuestTricia: 1. Discover your passion . . . and be okay with it.
GuestTricia: I love this passage I read recently in the book Rise Up With a Listening Heart: "Looking for renewal in our lives, sometimes we miss the obvious: where our real passion and love lie. Grace is present there. How easy it is to follow other people's scripts, busying ourselves with books and seminars detailing how we should become fulfilled and renewed-and all the while ignore what really energizes us."
GuestTricia: The writer went on to say: "Why are we so afraid of following our deepest passion? Perhaps we fear failing . . . Hope allows us to accept the risk of committing all our energies to what gives us life, confident that wherever it leads us will be worth the effort."
GuestTricia: I love the word Grace.
GuestTricia: Through my experience with Tara, I realized it was okay that we both followed different passions. I focused my energy on rearing kids, writing books, and ministering in church, while she found her joy in cooking, canning, crafting, and . . . rearing kids. I was comparing my weaknesses with her strengths, instead of realizing we both excelled in different areas.
GuestTricia: I know I look at other people's lives and WISH I had what they have. For example, I have a friend Kristi who can eat anything and stay skinny. That is so unfair!
patiese: sorry that is where the BODY of Christ comes in we all can't be hands or feet we are only a part of the body
Pamela: One thing kept me from following my passion.. I thought if it wasn't teaching bible study or writing a Christian book or some other "Christian looking thing" it couldn't be God's will
Pamela: I have since learned the truth
GuestTricia: Yet, Kristi is separated from her husband because it's an abusive situation, and she WISHED she had a husband like mine.
GuestTricia: Instead, as a body, we need to love and support each other.
GuestTricia: Just as each of us realize our kids are special and unique, we need to accept this for ourselves. We won't do everything well, and we shouldn't expect ourselves too.
GuestTricia: God talks about this . . ."Be sure to do what you should, for then you will enjoy the personal satisfaction of having done your work well," says Galatians 6:4, "and you won't need to compare yourself to anyone else. For we are each responsible for our own conduct" (NLT).
GuestTricia: As long as I can stand before my Maker and see pleasure in His eyes, why do I wonder about what others think . . . or worry I don't measure up? When I seek God, do what He asks, find joy where my passion lies, and feel His pleasure, then comparisons won't matter.
GuestTricia: 2. Cultivate a Quiet Heart.
GuestTricia: Marketers make us feel inferior as they flash images of ideal parents, ideal people, on television screens and in print media. Instead of being content with who we are, we make mental lists of what we are not. Instead of being content with what God has given us, we chide ourselves for not doing more and being more.
GuestTricia: They spend BILLIONS of dollars trying to make us discontent.
GuestTricia: But here's what God appreciates. I LOVE this verse." God, I'm not trying to rule the roost, I don't want to be king of the mountain. I haven't meddled where I have no business or fantasized grandiose plans," says Psalm 131:1-2. "I've kept my feet on the ground, I've cultivated a quiet heart. Like a baby content in its mother's arms, my soul is a baby content." (The Message)
GuestTricia: I remember the peaceful smile when one of my children cuddled deep in my arms, feeling the warmth and peace, and listening to my heartbeat. We need to do the same.
GuestTricia: God's arms are open to us, and He wants nothing more than for us to be content there. We don't need to be king of the mountain, queen of the slim and beautiful, prince of the popular, or princess of grandiose plans. Through prayer and focus on God, our quiet hearts will remind us He is enough.
GuestTricia: Okay, I have one more point, then I have a few discussion questions . . .
GuestTricia: 3. Conform to Christ.
GuestTricia: "Conforming to the image of God is a long and steady process of internal change as we abide in Christ. People simply do not change overnight, nor can they be forced to do so," write Neil Anderson and Robert Saucy, authors of The Common Made Holy. "Abiding in Christ is being yoked to the gentle Jesus (Matthew 11:29)."
GuestTricia: When our eyes are focused on Jesus, then we will view the people around us in our peripheral vision at best.
GuestTricia: We may see things that need to be changed in order to be more like Jesus, but the good news is they will be things we aren't expected to accomplish in our own strength. When Jesus points out areas we are lacking, He will also be faithful to guide us and empower us as we join in step with Him.
HOST_Carolann: amen
GuestTricia: And that's what I need most. His faithful guidance.
GuestTricia: And His power.
GuestTricia: In my weakness, His strength is complete.
GuestTricia: Okay, now I have a question for you . . .
GuestTricia: I had a few different points today, but what is God speaking to your heart about this? You see, He brought us together for a reason today. What is He speaking to you?
patiese: That there is hope no matter what our past is
Pamela: Tricia.. He is using you today to confirm His plan and work in my own life
HOST_Carolann: my focus has been off - I need to be determined to focus on HIM alone and not others
GuestTricia: All those things are amazing!
GuestTricia: I still struggle daily. Yet my whole day runs better when I focus on God and not the world.
Pamela: absolutely
patiese: That is so true!
GuestTricia: Also, I love the word, "The joy of the Lord is my strength."
Pamela: another confirmation
Pamela: He meets our every need
GuestTricia: When I have joy in God. And JOY in what He's doing for others. (Instead of comparing what they have or are doing.) Then I am strengthened to follow MY path.
Pamela: That's it!!!
GuestTricia: Lately, God has REALLY been speaking to me about "rejoicing in and supporting the body."
HOST_Carolann: that's a good point about rejoicing in what others have and do
GuestTricia: As a writer, it's so EASY to read the reviews and compare my books with others.
GuestTricia: So I've been working really hard to promote others.
GuestTricia: I want to rejoice over what God is doing in their lives.
patiese: yes it is we need to be comfortable in our blessing of God instead of others blessings
GuestTricia: So I suppose that is the next step beyond comparison.
GuestTricia: Which is why I AM here today . . .
GuestTricia: Because God is "firming up" in words what He's been speaking to my heart.
GuestTricia: Okay, another question. How can we rejoice instead of compare? (Practical ways.)
HOST_Carolann: praise and thank God for the other person's strength
patiese: smile and know God is working in spite of ourselves
kp: Compliment the other person on their success
HOST_Carolann: ask God to increase them in their strength
GuestTricia: Great ideas! I love it! Now . . . How do you rejoicing instead of comparing will change our hearts?
HOST_Carolann: good one kp - encourage the other person
HOST_Carolann: it certainly takes our eyes off ourselves
patiese: We will be more like Christ!
GuestTricia: Yes, we WILL be more like Christ!
kp: Somehow the warmth that moves out to others when we encourage them ..... benefits us also
HOST_Carolann: yes kp, agreed
GuestTricia: We will bless others . . . and the WORLD will see it and see how we are different.
patiese: Yes its like when we are depressed and we do something nice for someone you feel better too
GuestTricia: You're right. I feel God's pleasure when I take time to encourage others.
HOST_Carolann: yes patiese that's true
GuestTricia: We can also pray for the weaknesses we see in others.
GuestTricia: And hope they are praying for our weaknesses.
GuestTricia: Also . . . we are REAL.
GuestTricia: So many times we think everyone else "has it all together." And they are thinking the same thing about us!
patiese: good one Tricia. Could we possibly ask for prayer for our weakness.
GuestTricia: It's about breaking down walls and joining hands.
GuestTricia: I think that's a great idea patiese!
kp: just like when we exercise faith - it can stimulate growth in our faith - so encouragement to others .... comes back and encourages us also
HOST_Carolann: being real is part of being mature
patiese: AMEN! How do we put it to practice?
GuestTricia: I think the first thing we need to do is be willing to open our homes and give our time to others. As we build relationships, we feel comfortable sharing our hearts.
GuestTricia: Isolation gives us time to "think" about what we don't have and dwell on us.
HOST_Carolann: I am learning that more and more
GuestTricia: Even phone calls with a friend opens doors to sharing.
GuestTricia: Or chat rooms!
patiese: Sometimes a smile goes a long way even if its a stranger
kp: yes - as we become more familiar with the other person .... so comparisons are less likely to crop up - as we will naturally rejoice with them in their strengths
GuestTricia: I remember Patsy Clairmont talking about being afraid to leave her home. She prayed about it and wanted to be free of her fear, and God told her to start helping others. She did . . . and step by step she started helping more and more.
GuestTricia: And she was strengthened.
kp: as others become more part of 'us' - so then we will feel proud when they succeed
GuestTricia: So another thing I've learned to do is help others. In my case it's teen moms.
GuestTricia: And as KP says, I feel very proud when they succeed.
HOST_Carolann: that's awesome
GuestTricia: I don't condemn them because they're not "as far along" as me, but I rejoice when they take steps in the right direction.
patiese: Everyone needs help so we must not turn inward but outward
HOST_Carolann: that's SO what we need to do Tricia
GuestTricia: And just think. When I rejoice instead of not comparing . . . and you do it . . . and someone in New York does it . . . well, the body of Christ becomes stronger. And more people see a difference in us.
GuestTricia: Also, I pray, "God show me who I can reach out to today."
GuestTricia: He is ALWAYS faithful to bring someone to mind.
patiese: great ideal Tricia
kp: It is good to always remember that they are other members of the same body - and that their strengths may never be intended to be ours - so 'hold up their arms' while they fulfil their part
GuestTricia: Yes, "hold up their arms" like Hur and Joshua!
GuestTricia: And as someone who has a "ministry" you'd be surprised how much an email or note of encouragement means to me.
patiese: We all need encouragement!
HOST_Carolann: a good point - we can always do more to encourage others
GuestTricia: I've had some really tough days when I was overwhelmed. Then I've gotten a phone call or an email at just the right time. And it made all the difference!
GuestTricia: It's cool when God puts me in others' hearts too.
HOST_Carolann: I have a card someone sent me a few years ago and I still take it out and read it from time to time
co-host_Debbie: that happens to me all the time
GuestTricia: I have a card from a teen mom, thanking me for making a difference in her life. It sits on the windowsill right where I can see it as I write.
HOST_Carolann: we are like dry sponges and the water of encouragement fills us up and blesses our souls
craftingrama: at Christmas I mentioned to my grandson how alone I was feeling now that everyone had moved to the next province. Now every morning before he goes to school he sends an msn message that says "smooch love ya grandma, have a good day"
co-host_Debbie: amen Carolann!
GuestTricia: Yes, and when we fill up with Jesus . . . only then can we pour out.
HOST_Carolann: yes so true
GuestTricia: That's why it is so important to soak up Jesus throughout our day.
kp: awwwwww craftinggramma - that's so sweet
Pamela: There may even be some right here who need encouragement today
GuestTricia: OH, that's SO sweet about your grandson!
infinite_8: I needed this chat today,, Am glad to have taken part,, Great guest and host and co host, will be back. When I can.. Blessings
HOST_Carolann: your grandson sure has a great attitude crafingrama
craftingrama: I don't think he even realizes how much he has helped me this past few months but then he is only 11 hehe
HOST_Carolann: thank you infinte8
GuestTricia: Oh, I have a son who's 11! It's a great age!
GuestTricia: Thank you infinte8.
Margie: We are really struggling financially, my sisters are wealthy, my neighbors are doing really well, retiring early. We are worried about losing our home. It is hard not to compare when your sis is taking a cruise to Europe, and you are worried about the grocery bill. I know I sound so shallow in faith
GuestTricia: Margie. I don't know you personally, but I'm jotting down a note to pray about it.
HOST_Carolann: you are really going through a tough time Margie, that's hard
GuestTricia: Life is hard. That's why we need Jesus so much. I can't imagine trying to do this "life" without Him.
tenayagirl2: my daily struggle is a body full of severe pain
HOST_Carolann: those are times we need to "hunker down" and know all the riches we have in Christ which have eternal value
tenayagirl2: yet I have such dreams...
craftingrama: Margie been there done that and know exactly how you feel and yes its tough an I know alot of time I wondered if God had ditched me because of something I had done wrong thankfully I found out differently
GuestTricia: I struggle with taking care of my body. It's the last thing I focus on.
GuestTricia: God is speaking to me about all that we've been talking about today, because, believe me, I have not arrived! (And I won't until heaven.)
patiese: tenayagirl maybe you need to focus on God's dreams instead of your own. I struggle daily with that
HOST_Carolann: yes this is something we need to learn and re-learn every day
patiese: I want to be what the world sees as normal but that is not what God wants
tenayagirl2: yes, I agree...yet how do I discern between what is God's dream for me--and what he wants me to pursue even thru seemingly overwhelming obstacles--and what is only my pathetic dream I am clinging to?
patiese: That's tough I would tell you to pray and I will pray for you!!
HOST_Carolann: God's Word is a first place to start to know what He wants for your life
GuestTricia: If you check out my website: www.triciagoyer.com there is a section called the "Secret of Christian Publishing." Even if you're not a writer, I think you'll appreciate the story. It's about how I stopped dreaming my dreams and started understanding God's dreams. It was a life-changing experience . . . and something I could spend a whole other chat talking about.
patiese: Hope for the future and who knows what that holds except God
HOST_Carolann: well, we are at the end of our hour and I want to thank you Tricia for this excellent time
GuestTricia: Thank you so much!
Margie: tenaya, I have severe pain issues too, and it can cloud our thinking, and make us so discouraged. I understand.
tenayagirl2: thanks
patiese: Yes thank you this has been so enjoyable
GuestTricia: I really enjoyed it. What a wonderful group of folks.
co-host_Debbie: Yes, thank you soooo much Tricia!!!
HOST_Carolann: thank you for what you have shared with us and I pray for each one of us here
kp: yes thank you Tricia .... much food for thought here and an encouragement to 'keep on'
HOST_Carolann: and pray that God will continue to strengthen you and use you in His service for His pleasure and honor
GuestTricia: I'm glad I encouraged you. Because all of you have encouraged me!
GuestTricia: Thank you. I can use those prayers.
kp: thank you Carolann and debbie also
HOST_Carolann: thank you everyone too for all your comments and input it's been a real blessing
patiese: Yes Thanks everyone!
GuestTricia: And if anyone would like me to add them to my mailing list--they can email me at fromdustandashes@hotmail.com
co-host_Debbie: Thank you Carolann for hosting and for everyone here today. Keeping you all in my prayers
GuestTricia: I'd love to keep in touch with this wonderful group.
HOST_Carolann: you are most welcome
kp: God bless you all
kp: Bye for now
co-host_Debbie: You have been a true blessing today Tricia
co-host_Debbie: thank you
GuestTricia: Bye for now! Thanks again for inviting me..