10 Ways to be a Joyful Caregiver
Carmen Leal

[HOST_Carolann] I think we will get started now. Welcome everyone! And a special welcome to Carmen Leal who is filling in on short notice. I appreciate that Carmen.
[HOST_Carolann] Carmen is going to talk about how we can find the help and support we need in the community.
[HOST_Carolann] Carmen is going to talk about how we can find the help and support we need in the community.
Carmen> Thanks for asking me back, Carolann.
Carmen> Means I didn't mess up to badly last time
Carmen> LOL
[HOST_Carolann] A Pleasure, the time is now over to you
[HOST_Carolann] You were great!!! and we look forward to hearing more from you
Carmen> Last time I started talking about choosing to live with joy.
Carmen> But we sort of got derailed on calling for help.
Carmen> So this is obviously a topic of great interest
Carmen> So I thought what we could do today is a little brainstorming
Carmen> Instead of comments from me, why don't we do some Q&A
Carmen> Are there specific questions and concerns people have about getting help from the community?
Carmen> I was a caregiver for 10 years so my take is a bit different that you
Carmen> And I had no insurance for all those 10 years.
Carmen> Jump in when you have a question.
Carmen> Until then I'll share some of the solutions I found.
Carmen> I learned that there is always, always, always an answer.
Carmen> But I believe that Satan wants to keep us living in discouragement.
Carmen> Having an illness or condition is bad enough.
Carmen> But we can live victoriously.
lyla> IT GIVES ME JOY 2 USE MY GIFTS I STARTED A GR, WE MEET 1 A MONTH
Carmen> What's a GR?
Carmen> I'm glad it gives you joy,
lyla> GROUP
Carmen> I found our that even though there wasn't a Huntington's group in my area there were elated illness groups.
Carmen> Maybe that's the same for you.
Carmen> For example, I found tremendous support going for help through Parkinsons, Alzheimer;s and mental health groups
Carmen> Huntington's is related to all three and I found ways to get day care paid for, medications, and support.
Carmen> What. No questions?
Carmen> Come on guys. lol
Sheri> I have some, but both my cats are demanding to be petted right now!
Carmen> What are your specific needs?
Carmen> LOL Sheri
[HOST_Carolann] I guess it's hard to know where to start
Alice> Someone to help with cleaning my house
Carmen> Do any of you have trouble paying for medications?
Carmen> Are you all insured?
Carmen> When we had no insurance I asked my doctor about programs.
Shadow> I cant get all my meds
lyla> YES IT'S JUST IMPORTANT 2 BE ABLE TO ENCOURAGE EACH, HOW DO I GET MORE PEOPLE INVOLVED
Sheri> I seem to be caught between the issue of having some savings but no income of any kind, and I don't qualify for medicaid, so some services won't help
Carmen> Did you know that most drug companies have a program to give away medications when prescribed through the doctor?
Carmen> The income cap is about $60,000 and it only takes a one page form.
Alice> They do?????
[HOST_Carolann] never heard of that Carmen
Carmen> Yep. Your doctor won't tell you but if you ask they will.
Sheri> yes, but it only applies if you have NO drug coverage thru insurance, mine covers part of meds
Carmen> At one point we were getting 4 medications
Alice> How do you get in touch with those drug companies? Just call them and ask?
Carmen> You are right, Sheri. So we look at different things for you.
Carmen> You start with your doctor and they will have the forms or they will have the toll free numbers
Carmen> You get the medications for three months and then apply again.
[HOST_Carolann] Would a pharmacist be aware of these programs too?
Carmen> Sheri, do you attend a church that is willing to help in any way?
Sheri> also, call around for pricing on drug, it varies widely. I do mail order for several
Sheri> very limited help, Carmen
Carmen> A pharmacist might be aware of the programs but you MUST go through the doctor.
Carmen> Sheri, when David was first diagnosed and we had no insurance I asked in my church members might consider adopting a medication.
Sheri> my biggest need is for help around the home and with errands like groceries
Carmen> We got families who pledged to buy one drug a month
Sheri> good idea, Carmen
Carmen> Also, in terms of help around the house. This is a fabulous project for a youth group.
Carmen> The church youth group cleaned my house once a month for a year
Carmen> And if your church is too small then go to a different church and ask them.
[HOST_Carolann] did you ask them to, or did they just offer?
Carmen> It's important that young people learn to serve.
[HOST_Carolann] I think alot of us are afraid to ask
Carmen> I asked them. I have to be honest. No one offered anything to use
Sheri> a friend of mine asked her church for help and they are paying for house cleaning for a year
lyla> DO YOU QUALIFY 4 SERVICE THU THE STATE
Carmen> And you're right. Most people are afraid to ask.
Carmen> Back when I first started caregiving we qualified for nothing.
Carmen> I eventually had to divorce David to get him on Medicaid and able to stay in the nursing home once he declined.
Sheri> I think I need to go back and ask again, I don't lyla, due to having some savings on which I am living
Carmen> And I became his guardian.
[HOST_Carolann] oh how awful for you Carmen
[HOST_Carolann] I mean, it seems drastic
Carmen> In fact, I accumulated so much debt that I filed for bankruptcy two weeks ago.
Carmen> And I lost my house.
Sheri> that's so sad, Carmen, but that's sometimes what is needed based on the system
[HOST_Carolann] I'm so sorry Carmen
Carmen> But you know what? I never lost my joy.
BevinFL> Oh Bless you I am so sorry
Carmen> And God will replace everything in his time
lyla> WHEN WE ASK FOR HELP WE CAN FEEL SHAME,, BUT WE GIVE THINGS 2 THE PEOPLE WHO HELP US
[HOST_Carolann] wow, what an example you are Carmen
Carmen> Exactly, Lyla.
Carmen> It really is more blessed to give then receive
Carmen> And we are robbing people of the joy of giving if we don't allow them to serve.
Sheri> yes it is
Carmen> Okay, do any of you live by a military base?
sueraec> yes I do
Carmen> Those single men filled with energy are a great source of support.
Alice> Yes, I do
BevinFL> we can not get anyone to help teens around here even paying then and us doing with to get money to pay them they never show up or even call to do yard
[HOST_Carolann] same here Bev
Carmen> I had Marines do yard work, repair stuff, etc.
Carmen> Have you gone to the local high schools?
BevinFL> No wish we did used to if we did would have help for sure
Alice> Our church teens want pay, too
[HOST_Carolann] they did it for free Carmen - the Marines?
BevinFL> Yes churches all of that stuff parents around here parents hand them money and they do nothing around their own home LOL
Carmen> Many scholarships are based on grades but many are also on community service
Carmen> Yes, I got all this for free.
[HOST_Carolann] we have that in our local high school too Carmen - so a good idea to ask about them doing community service for you
Carmen> I went to the counsellors of high schools, not the ones my sons went to, that would be embarrassing, and suggested that my family and others I knew would be great community service projects.
Sheri> my sense is that one has to keep knocking on doors and asking until finding the help - persistence- is that the case with you Carmen?
Carmen> What a blessing for those kids to learn to give,
Carmen> Honestly, I used to be in sales and marketing and so I think I'm just good at it.
Carmen> But the key is to look at what's in it for them.
Sheri> you are giving me lots of good ideas, Carmen!
[HOST_Carolann] it takes courage to just go and ask a complete stranger
Carmen> Like the community service helping to get scholarships.
Carmen> Yes, it takes courage, and maybe I was just desperate that the average bear.
[HOST_Carolann] do they ask you questions though Carmen, like why you need the help and why can't you do it yourself?
sueraec> One of my friends sons did some work for me after I had surgery so he could earn "time" for his scholarship. It helped both of us.
Carmen> 2 years after diagnosis we moved from Hawaii to Florida and we knew no one.
Carmen> So I had no choice but to ask strangers.
Carmen> Yes, there are usually questions. So I wrote out my responses and practiced them.
Carmen> And yes, I got told no sometimes.
[HOST_Carolann] what kinds of questions did you get asked?
Carmen> But it was amazing how often I was told yes.
Carmen> What sort of disease. Why don't I have insurance.
Carmen> Have I go to social services.
Carmen> That's the big one.
Kevin_OH> Our high school requires "community service" hours from each student, but they can choose what it is.
Carmen> And you know what my answer was?
BevinFL> we even had business cards made up with our names and address and phone number and dh who used to be a deputy gave them out
Carmen> Nowhere in the bible does it tell us to go to the state for help. It tells us that God's people help God's people.
[HOST_Carolann] good point!
Carmen> And yes, the kids do choose but if they don't know your need is a choice how can they ask?
sueraec> Carmen, if I may share something?
Carmen> Sure, Sue
sueraec> I and 3 others in our Church are heading up a new outreach ministry to reach those people who have had little or no contact by the Pastor
sueraec> All three of us have either Fibro or Lupus or Thyroid cancer
sueraec> But because we know how important it is to keep human contact, we are trying to reach others who need that human contact
Carmen> That's great, Sue.
Carmen> And it is important to keep human contact.
Carmen> Here's another idea.
sueraec> It was hard for me to "ask" for help--guess my pride got in the way, but your suggestions are wonderful
Carmen> Many stores will do gift wrapping booths for the holidays.
[HOST_Carolann] yes we have those booths every year at the malls
Carmen> Ask your local support group if they want to do a booth and all the proceeds go to funds to help with house repairs, cleaning, etc.
sueraec> I know of a woman locally who started a business catering to those in need of transportation to & from doctor/hospital appts or grocery shopping
Carmen> Yes, great business, but it still takes money to use her services. But if you get money from the gift wrapping funds you can hire people.
sueraec> Our local Arthritis Group needs another Support Group in the area of town where I live and said they'd help get it started
[HOST_Carolann] I thought you were going to suggest we ask for all the left over wrapping paper LOL
Carmen> It's amazing how even people with arthritis or fibromyalgia or MS can sit and wrap presents.
Carmen> LOL Carolann Hey, whatever works.
Enter_Name_here> WE CAN ENPOWER OTHERS MY ASKING FOR HELP & SHARING THEIR STRUGGLES
[HOST_Carolann] hehehe, I am catching on your enthusiasm and creativity
sueraec> Find out if your doctor will support you, also. Mine supports the local Fibro Group and is a Christian
Carmen> The cool thing is that some of you feel isolated. So you get to sit with new friends, wrapping gifts, and eventually some of the money might come back to meet your needs.
Carmen> Someone suggested to check the pricing on medication.
Sheri> I did
Carmen> That is so true.
[HOST_Carolann] pays to shop around
Carmen> My Claritan was about $60.00 a month
Carmen> Once it went over the counter I found it at Costco for 150 pills for $12.99!
Carmen> And I only need one a day.
Alice> I'm sorry to have to leave so soon - take care everyone and God bless. Thanks Carman and Carolann
Carmen> So become best friends with the pharmacist and get them to translate all the gibberish on the bottle
[HOST_Carolann] bye Alice
Carmen> Bye Alice.
BevinFL> bye
Carmen> It's amazing how much they know that the doctor doesn't or won't tell you.
Carmen> I think once you get over the asking part, and sort of look at it as figuring out how to help others find joy in serving, it actually becomes fun.
Carmen> Would I prefer having the money to do whatever I want without asking?
[HOST_Carolann] we prefer independence
Carmen> Of course. But the relationships I have made with people, and really, the opportunities to show non believers that God is helping THROUGH them is pretty cool.
sueraec> Yes, I think we'd all prefer independence if given the choice, but dependence can be such a blessing
BevinFL> here with the local high schools they do not call you back or they only deal through businesses because of the fear of children being hurt and we are even licensed foster/ adopt parts
Carmen> I think that God has grown me as a believer and into a much better person because of having to be so dependent on others.
[HOST_Carolann] people that come to your home to help for free, do they expect anything, such as a meal while there for example?
Mary_LouC> I've heard Joni Erickson Tada say that she gives people the chance to be blessed by God as they bless her with their help.
BevinFL> parents (sorry)
Mary_LouC> I had never looked at it that way before.
Carmen> Not usually. I'd always have soft drinks and maybe bake cookies. Actually, I was able to get cookies and pastries given to me through a food bank and I gave them away
Carmen> Oh! Have you all called manufactures before?
sueraec> Neither had I until someone told me by not allowing someone to help me, instead of me always helping someone else was robbing them of God's joy
Carmen> David was on Ensure and I called and explained the lack of finances. They sent me coupons and samples every single month as long as I called
Carmen> And I mean samples with 12 cans in a case.
[HOST_Carolann] wow that's great!
Enter_Name_here> THAT'S A GOOD IDEA
Carmen> hey, that was 4 days of meals for him.
sueraec> What a blessing
Carmen> I think people really want to help. They just need a nudge.
sueraec> Sometimes they don't know how to help or what's needed help-wise
Carmen> Another thing you can do is to start an eBay business.
Enter_Name_here> SO TRUE
Carmen> Lots of people have books and all sorts of things that they no longer need
Carmen> But they will donate them to you, even without a tax deduction. They just want them out of their house
Carmen> Even if you are housebound you can do an eBay business and earmark that money for cleaning or medication
Carmen> And if you are worried about the income, work through your church so they get the money and they donate it to you.
Carmen> Sort of a updated garage sale.
Carmen> We have 15 minutes left. Does anyone have specific questions we can brainstorm about?
[HOST_Carolann] I heard if an internet site where people give things for free - it's like a recycle centre, ever heard of it?
Carmen> Yes I have but I have to look around in my files.
Carmen> If I find it I'll email you, Carolann. I've never used it before.
Carmen> I have a friend who has and she loves it
[HOST_Carolann] it sounded like a great idea, but it's just in the States
Carmen> Oh, another source of support is through women's groups at different churches
sueraec> I know some groups like the Billy Graham organization, Joni and local Christian radio & Tv groups will give away free books.
Carmen> Our church gives to unwed mothers and others.
Carmen> But I think if they actually we asked about helping those who are chronically ill they would help.
Carmen> The thing to remember is to know exactly what you are asking for. If you say I need help they say, "I'll pray about it."
[HOST_Carolann] so we need to be specific then
Carmen> But if you say, "I need someone to walk my dog every day at 4:00" then they have an understanding of what you need and why.
Carmen> And remember, if they say no they are not rejecting you
Carmen> Don't take it personal
[HOST_Carolann] maybe then instead of asking help in cleaning we could ask for help vacuuming every other week etc
Carmen> Exactly, Carolann.
[HOST_Carolann] or dusting every week
[HOST_Carolann] I think people need to know how much time it will take
Carmen> People are really busy these days and they need to get an idea of exactly what it will take
Carmen> Also, how many of you pray?
[HOST_Carolann] I mean , how big is the task you want help with
Carmen> Like for others
Carmen> Yes, Carolann.
[HOST_Carolann] every day
Sheri> I do
sueraec> I do too
BevinFL> I pray non stop every day
Carmen> Well, one thing I did for years was to take the directory and begin calling everyone in the directory, a few each day.
Carmen> I
Mary_LouC> I couldn't survive without prayer!
Sheri> amen to that Mary Lou
sueraec> Yes Mary lou
BevinFL> same thing with Me Mary Lou Amen
Carmen> I'd tell them that as a caregiver I am stuck at home all day and as long as I am praying for my needs, could I pray for theirs?
Enter_Name_here> AGREED
Carmen> A funny thing happens.
Carmen> First of all, I believe we can not outgive God.
Carmen> So as I prayed for others God met my needs.
Mary_LouC> Wow! That's fantastic, Carmen!
Carmen> And often he met them through the relationships I made through connecting and asking how I could pray.
[HOST_Carolann] I would never have the nerve to do that
[HOST_Carolann] but it's an incredible idea
Carmen> Like one woman asked me to pray about how lonely she was.
Mary_LouC> I have thought of posting a sign on the bulletin board in my apartment-building telling everyone they could give me prayer requests.
sueraec> That's a wonderful testimony Carmen
[HOST_Carolann] great idea Mary Lou
Carmen> I asked why she was so lonely and then I asked her if she drove. Yes, she did.
Enter_Name_here> WE R STRONGER WHEN OUR HANDS R JOINED TOGETHER
JoLee> Type here Praying for others helps me to see how well off I am and that I'm not alone
[HOST_Carolann] amen JoLee
sueraec> Yes indeed JoLee
Mary_LouC> Amen, JoLee!
Carmen> So I asked her if she could come over once a week and bring David lunch so I could get out and go grocery shopping or see a movie once a week.
Carmen> She did! And she loved it and it helped her so much.
[HOST_Carolann] that's awesome
sueraec> Praise God Carmen for how God used her and blessed you both!
Carmen> I think that we can all call and ask someone how we can pray for them. First we have to pray to God that he tear away all our ego or pity or fear.
Enter_Name_here> THAT'S SO COOL
Carmen> He always answers prayer.
[HOST_Carolann] amen
Carmen> Do you think he will answer that prayer as no?
sueraec> No indeed!!!!!
Carmen> I mean really. No, I don't want you praying for others.
JoLee> I like Mary Lou's idea .Our HK meets in a place that would work in.
Carmen> See, Satan has tricked us into thinking we can't call strangers.
[HOST_Carolann] because we are self conscious
Carmen> And the bulletin board is a great idea.
sueraec> He fills us with fear
Mary_LouC> I have to admit that I'm shy about approaching strangers and talking about the Lord. That's not good, is it?
[HOST_Carolann] fear is a big barrier to God's blessing
Mary_LouC> Yes, self-conscious! That's it, Carolann!
Carmen> Mary Lou, I am the minority of those who love to walk up to strangers and talk about God.
Enter_Name_here> HE SHOW ME WHAT 2 PRAY 4, NOT NECESSARY WHAT THEY WAND
sueraec> Don't look at it as a negative Mary LouC....God can help your faith grow in that area
Carmen> Most people are the opposite.
Mary_LouC> I do it on message boards all the time, but not in person.
Carmen> But God wants to use us all.
[HOST_Carolann] I know someone like you Carmen, he can walk up to anyone right on the street
BevinFL> well no really to me it is not Mary Lou in this world we must be careful and when disabled like the elderly we can be a easy target
Mary_LouC> On a message board I have no problem talking with strangers about God, even atheists and Satanists.
Carmen> And sometimes I won't even ask someone what they need because God tells me. So then I just called or write a note and tell them I am praying for them,.
sueraec> Yes, we must be careful. But God will help us if we really want to start praying for others.
Carmen> And don't forget about writing notes. That's a wonderful way to connect with people when you feel weird about speaking.
Carmen> Oh, another thing. Do any of you barter?
Carmen> I am a writer and I used to write ad copy.
Enter_Name_here> WHEN THEY ASK IF THEY CAN PRAY 4 ME (I'VE GOT CP) I SAY IF I CAN P 4 THEM
[HOST_Carolann] my husband has done that - traded his kind of work for others' kind of work
Carmen> Sometimes I'd write brochures and such and trade services for clothing, house cleaning, etc.
Carmen> It's a great way to get what you need.
[HOST_Carolann] yes, it really is Carmen - people like it alot
Carmen> My new husband, the best husband in the universe by the way, is a Web designer and we've done some awesome trades
Carmen> I guess what I always had to remember is that God told us that we have not because we ask not. And that if we ask he will always provide. And that it's impossible to outgive God.
[HOST_Carolann] an excellent thought to leave us with
Carmen> So I look at every opportunity to ask for help as a way to allow God to work through others.
sueraec> Isn't God wonderful?
Carmen> I hope some of these ideas and thoughts have been helpful.
[HOST_Carolann] I heard today that God loves it when we look to Him with expectancy
Sheri> very helpful , Carmen, thanks
Carmen> And you will find the more you do it the more you and others will benefit
sueraec> Yes, Carmen, you've given me lots of ideas, Thank You
[HOST_Carolann] thanks so much Carmen for all your ideas and inspiration to think creatively for ourselves too
Carmen> Thank you for asking me back so quickly. I am glad that my schedule had an opening
Enter_Name_here> I PRAY HE'LL OPEN OUR EYES 2 C
Mary_LouC> Thank you, Carmen! May God continue to bless you and your ministry!
[HOST_Carolann] thank you again for coming as our guest speaker to share on this topic and thanks everyone for being here
Mary_LouC> Must run! Good-bye, all!
Shadow> yes thank you Carmen!!!
Carmen> Thanks to you all. I have to run too.
Carmen> God bless you, all.
Sheri> great chat, thx Carolann and Carmen
sueraec> May God continue to bless you, Carmen
[HOST_Carolann] you are welcome