Making
the Most of God's Precious Gift of the Home1/26/05
[HOST_Carolann] well it's
after the top of the hour so maybe we can get started
[HOST_Carolann] Welcome
everyone! Our guest for today is Karen Whiting.
[HOST_Carolann] She is going
to offer us some tips on keeping Christ's presence in the home while coping with
pain.
[HOST_Carolann] Karen is the author of several books, Time: Making The
Most of God's Precious Gift of Time, The Home: Making the Most of God's Precious
Gift of the Home
[HOST_Carolann] and just released her recent book Secrets
of Success for Women.
[HOST_Carolann] She has also written books for teens,
young people and children.
[HOST_Carolann] And if that doesn't keep her busy
enough, she directs a teen puppet ministry sharing God's Word and love in hospitals,
homeless shelters etc.
[HOST_Carolann] She is a mother of 5 plus 2 grand children.
Karen>
Actually Secrets of Success (SOS) is the series name-the two you mentioned are
the two new books in the series
[HOST_Carolann] ah, thank you for that correction,
Karen, sorry
[HOST_Carolann] Karen does have a handout and unfortunately I
didn't get it before our chat announcement went out. If you want to get your copy,
go to www.restministries.org/CHAT/handout_whiting.PDF
Karen> Its a lot to
keep up with
[HOST_Carolann] Welcome Karen and thank you for being here. I
will turn our time over to you.
Karen> Thanks. We are talking about bringing
the presence of Christ into our homes today-even if we have little pain free time
Karen>
In my handout I mentioned how my mother felt when she had a stroke and lost the
use or one hand
Karen> She felt she could do so little. I reminded her that
she could write and she began a letter writing ministry from home
Karen>
]I wanted to start by asking who has blessed their home and how?
Kevin_OH>
hello
Mary_LouC> My apologies for being late. Hello, all!
[HOST_Carolann]
do you mean Karen how have we made our home a blessing to those in it or come
to it?
indacat67> I've prayed through my home.
Karen> I actually mean
to pray for God to bless your home.
[HOST_Carolann] oh OK, thanks, I wasn't
sure
[HOST_Carolann] no I have never done that
GUEST_JOY> Hi, my name
is Joy and this is my first time on chat and wanted to try it out.
indacat67>
hi joy!
GUEST_Janine> I'm new too!
indacat67> hi janine
Karen>
Hi Joy-I'm the guest speaker and we are talking about bringing Christ's presence
into the home
[HOST_Carolann] welcome to all - we have gotten started with
Karen our guest speaker
Karen> 2 Samuel 7:29 has a request for God to bless
a home
Alice> My husband and i pray for God to bless our home often
Karen>
In the movie, It's a Wonderful life, there is a blessing of the home that used
three symbols-salt, bread, and wine
GUEST_Janine> I usually pray God's blessing
on our home whenever we move to a new one
Karen> The bread is so the people
there will never know hunger
Alice> We've prayed for our home to be used
for ministry for Him -- and it has
Karen> the salt is so the home will always
have flavor
Karen> the wine (or grapes) is so joy and prosperity will reign
Karen>
We usually spend time at the New Year to ask God to use our home in the coming
year for his purposes and to bless the home
[HOST_Carolann] what a lovely idea!
Alice>
Karen, are those three things scriptural, -- or just something that happened in
the movie?
Karen> I like to think that the home is where we refill hearts
with love and treasure. I have an acronym about treasure to fill hearts of the
people who live there and visit there
Karen> Alice, they are a little of
both-that movie was made when we were much more of a Christian nation
Alice>
Yes - I love the movie --just curious
Karen> I find it intriguing that they
used such Christian symbols for Christ and us-Jesus, the bread of life, wine-Jesus
the vine and us as the branches-and salt as Christ admonished us to be salt
Alice>
Now that i can relate to! cool!
Karen> I think we can all work on filling
ourselves and others in the home with treasures H is for heritage
Karen>
We have our family heritage and traditions to share and also our Christian heritage
to share
Kevin_OH> hello?
Karen> E is for emotional treasure-we need
to feel loved and to express love for others
Alice> Hi Kevin = you're back
Kevin_OH>
oops, sorry
Karen> A is for affection, R is for relational treasure, T is
for team treasure of involving the family in decisions (and singles need to remember
that Christ is a member of the family)
Karen> and S is for Scripture treasure.
Does anyone want to chat about how you can add these treasure in your home life?
GUEST_JOY>
where did that acronym come from?
janine> I have teenagers, and I know they
like to be included in family decisions so they feel valued and that their opinions
are important
Karen> Its in my book on The Home
Karen> It is something
I work on in my home
[HOST_Carolann] that is a good thing to do Janine
GUEST_JOY>
sounds interesting
janine> Karen how many kids do you have and what ages?
How do you get these things to work for you in your home?
Karen> Yes, janine,
I find that when I include the children in decisions they are more willing to
share the work and feel needed
Karen> I have five children, ages 14 to 28
now
Linda> My kids are adults now but when they were young we always kept
them advised on what was going on and asked how they felt about different issues
and treatments
Karen> I get them to work with patience. Some are easier.
My children and spouse always enjoy the emotional treasure of my praising them
Karen>
and thanking them
[HOST_Carolann] everyone in the family needs to feel included
and needed and appreciated
Karen> Affection treasure changes as boys grow-they
don't sit on laps but they still like a pat on the shoulder and know they have
to give me a Sunday hug!
Linda> If you keep the kids involved it takes care
of alot of their fears about what is going on and if they now what is happening
and what different symptoms mean etcthey are more likely to help and not to worry
as much
GUEST_JOY> I have two grown children and one teen girl and two foster
teens, and I've always tried to allow each to be themselves. I do not compare
abilities to each other, only to what I know they can do.
[HOST_Carolann] that
is so true Linda
Karen> The idea is I think each morning that once again
hearts need to be filled and consider what I CAN SAY OR DO TO FILL THEIR HEARTS
Linda>
My kids always loved finding a note tucked in a lunch or a school book in their
room etc
Karen> Yes, Linda, children want to know what is happening. Even
my son wanted to know what was happening with my having a hysterectomy two weeks
ago
Karen> Joy, that is great-for they each need to feel loved and affirmed-one
of the best ways to show God's love
Karen> The little things often mean
the most and so even when we are in pain we can use the little moments when we
feel better to do or say something
Alice> Spouses need to feel a part of
things and need assurance, also -- i find that to be so true. Even when they don't
say anything
Linda> We have a friend who has a shelf in their dining room
and for every time something really significant happens they find something to
represent it and then when things are hard or something is going on they can look
at the shelf and be reminded of God's love and all HE does for them
janine>
I think it's important with chronic illness to find things to do as a family....because
of my fatigue level, we enjoy watching videos together once a week or so. (PG
only though) Watching movies wouldn't be my first choice if I was healthier, but
it works for us and is something the kids enjoy and promotes family unity
Karen>
Yes, Alice. I try to have the home quiet for when my husband arrives home-some
moments of peace as he eases back into homelife
GUEST_JOY> my parents tried
to decide what hobbies i should have and i didn't want to do this to my own children.
my parents had a lot of fears and discouraged us from trying things
Karen>
Janine-do you include family videos?
janine> Yes, we do watch old family
videos and that always creates a lot of fun and laughter
Karen> Linda, I
love the shelf idea.
Karen> I had little treasure boxes for my children
in which we would put little items to remember answered prayers and special times
[HOST_Carolann]
that is such a neat idea
Karen> Part of letting children and spouse know
you treasure them is to have photos and video memories
Linda> Does anyone
have advice on how to deal with becoming a grandma which I am thrilled about but
also worried that I won't be able to be the kind of grandma I want to be able
to keep the baby etc.
janine> Linda, The shelf idea reminds me of the remembrance
stones found in I Samuel 7:12--Great idea and scriptural too!
Kevin_OH>
sorry guys but I have to go. My mind is not in it today. I covet your prayers
as I am in the hospital as I type. Don't know when I can get back home.
GUEST_JOY>
board games are great and guessing/word games. it's hard to get teens motivated
with internet, videos, etc but you have to make it a priority
[HOST_Carolann]
OK Kevin, will be praying for you
Mary_LouC> God bless you, Kevin!
Kevin_OH>
thx. God be with all of you.
[HOST_Carolann] thanks for coming
Karen>
Kevin, we will pray for you!
>> Kevin_OH has left room #RestMinistries_Pro
GUEST_JOY>
girls love scrap booking
Karen> Joy, we have to make family time a priority-sometimes
we need a little incentive of speacial treats with the games-I find our children
always liked game nights as long as we noted it a week ahead of time
Karen>
My sons liked my putting together scrapbooks for them and showed them off to girlfriends
Mary_LouC>
Yes, you almost have to book time in advance with everybody, don't you? Everybody
is so busy.
Karen> Then you can also build excitement-sometimes have them
invite friends, plan a special desert, etc
Linda> A hobby like stamping
or working jigsaw puzzles was always a hit with my kids
Louise> Often I
am too weak to sit at the table for evening meal - my husband and daughter always
sit on the bed with me to eat - even though they must be physically uncomfortable
we are together!
Karen> When we spend time together I also like to connect
something we do to a Scripture of Biblical value
Karen> Louise, can you
play word games while in bed?
Karen> Or can you turn the little sand timers
when others take turns at games?
GUEST_JOY> there are different types of
word games, some have cards, not boards
Karen> Louise-it can also be a picnic
for them to sit ion the bed with you
Alice> Linda, i'm a grandma many times
over - and just recently became a great grandma. I would like some help in knowing
how to cope with not being able to pick up or hold my grandchildren, etc. They
don't understand, and i've waited so long for this time to come. I feel cheated.
I have worked at it though. We could maybe discuss it later if you want to share
your email address.
[HOST_Carolann] I think that's great that your husband
and daughter do that Louise
Karen> Alice, I became a grandma and had surgery
the same week! My daughter simply put the baby between us and held his head so
I could snuggle!
GUEST_JOY> Alice, chances are your grandchildren understand.
Can you hug them?
Karen> Little ones are often happy with a touch
janine>
Yes, even just squeezing a little one's hand can be a way to show affection
indacat67>
I'm sorry but I have to go. Have a blessed day everyone!
Karen> Bye and
thanks for being here!
Alice> Yes, i've done those kinds of things, too.
You just have to pray and ask God to show you ways to enjoy your grandchildren
"just as you are" -- and then they accept you that way because that
is how they always see you.
Alice> Oh yes! Many hugs! Wonderful!
Karen>
The biggest problem in some homes is conflict and lack of peace-does anyone have
that problem at times?
[HOST_Carolann] yes alot of the time
GUEST_JOY>
oh, yes with three teenage girls
Linda> ALice I will send you my e=mail
Alice>
I used to when my kids were little.
Karen> Peace for each of us needs to
begin in the heart-I find I need to do a daily forgiveness inventory before I
can address the conflicts
Louise> Yes! Outside stresses bring turmoil into
the home.
GUEST_JOY> structure and consistency is big key to handling teens,
strong willed children
Alice> Okay, Linda -- great! I have a security on
my computer which won't let me receive any e-mail unless i have put your address
in my computer. If you are not comfortable giving it out right now -- stay on
line after this chat is over and i'll give you my e-mail address.
janine>
Yes, peace does need to start within us.... not demanding we are right can help
create peace. We try to have an "agree to disagree" policy at times
to avoid arguing
Karen> I find one key is to identify the real problem.
my oldest used to rant and rave over trifle things when something else really
bothered her
GUEST_JOY> that's true karen, find the real problem
Karen>
I sometimes feel like I'm a=on an excavation hunt
Karen> I try to ask what
has been going on in general and see if there's an area they avoid talking about
janine>
Yes, Karen, it's real hard for me to get my teens to acknowledge what is really
bothering them
[HOST_Carolann] but we can't be mind readers and the same goes
others can't read our minds
[HOST_Carolann] it's hard to start communicating
about some hurts
Mary_LouC> It's not just a teen problem. My father is like
that and he's 87!
GUEST_JOY> maybe letting them know we have "issues"
too helps even though they are still self centered generation
Karen> This
is true and it can be hard to identify the problem. I often ask what is wrong
and then ask if that is really the main problem
janine> Often I don't find
out till months after an incident what was bothering my teenage daughter....she
often won't talk about it at the time, but only later...sad but true
Karen>
Sometimes they don't even know themselves and I found asking them to journal or
type on the computer and erase it helps bring it out for them
janine> Mary
Lou--hahahah! Yes, that is true---some people never open up!
GUEST_JOY>
keep communication open and don't condemn them when they do open up even if they
admit to mistakes. Allow them the privilege to fail.
janine> Good point
Joy....
Karen> I had a daughter who would not always open up so I would
read from Erma Bombeck and get her to laugh and ease up and then she would often
open up
Karen> It released some stress so she could talk
Karen> Yes,
Joy-that's part of accepting them, warts and all, as Christ accepts us
Karen>
Once we identify a problem, I try having us brainstorm possible solutions, even
some zany ones to relax us
janine> We try and let our kids know that failure
is part of the learning process. We also though, warn them that there are certain
areas you don't want to learn the hard way on--like sex out of marriage, etc.
Karen>
Then we have to talk about our motives for the solution we want-want do we gain
and why is that important
[HOST_Carolann] that is so great that you do that
Karen - your kids will learn alot from that
Karen> Yes, janine-and if you
stay open they are much more able to continue communicating
Karen> I often
admit that finding the easy way is one motive-I can be lazy or tired!
GUEST_JOY>
I knew my son wasn't ready to go out on his own, but when he came to us to rescue
him from his mistakes we not only listened but supported him.
Alice> Do
any of you find that with ourselves having a chronic illness, we can set the mood
at home? If so, how do we really put on a "happy face" all the time
just so the household will run smoothly? I know we need to communicate....just
tell them it's a bad day.....but sometimes....well, i just simply don't feel like
talking at all.
[HOST_Carolann] yes Alice, it can feel like a pressure to be
the one who sets the tone for the home
[HOST_Carolann] one we don't always
want to bear
Alice> Amen!
Karen> Sometimes we need to have signals-if
the cover is over your head or something it means you really can't talk now
janine>
I think it helps if I'm honest about what type of day I'm having...if I'm having
a hard day, sometimes I will just go lay down so as not to bum everyone else out.
It helps my family to know what kind of day I"ve had so they can know how
to respond to me .
Alice> Ha-ha! Pretty good idea!
GUEST_JOY> that's
true karen, it seems as though everyone can have a bad day except for moms.
Karen>
i don't think you always need a happy face-in the good moments remind them that
just like there are cloudy days so too, you have cloudy times of pain
[HOST_Carolann]
yes great idea Karen - a code signal
Alice> Another good idea. thanks
janine>
Yes, Karen --it's great to let kids know the reality of life--it is not a bowl
of cherries and so it's okay for them to struggles at times too and not feel guilty
about it.
[HOST_Carolann] amen
Karen> My kids picked up on the signals-with
one child 8 years younger than the rest they came home and knew if I left out
a stuffed animal that the baby had not slepyt at night and i needed help
Karen>
They were great about it-though I sometimes heard the toss up of who would change
the diaper
janine> How creative Karen!
GUEST_JOY> these are great
ideas but it seems that they have to go through the stress first too in order
to see the importance of developing a system
Alice> Cute -- wish i would
have known these things when my kids were growing up.
Karen> But kids have
their own stresses-friendships, tests, teachers, and you can relate their problems
to your emotions to help bridge that
Alice> I'm watching for good ideas
to share with my grown children as they now deal with their own children.
Karen>
Have fun Alice!
Karen> we all have to try things to see what works best-including
signals
Alice> I am. Everyday can be fun when we know that God is in control....no
matter if we are in bed with the covers over our head. :)
Karen> And sometimes
our kids feel overwhelmed with their problems and will still say-I know you hurt
mom but I can't help now
[HOST_Carolann] for sure Alice, we can still have
that peace that God is in control
Karen> Those are moments I prayed for
strength and asked them to say a quick prayer-and that often gave one of us strength
Karen>
Another conflict step and even a step is to list pros and cons
GUEST_JOY>
spending time with the Lord in prayer, praise, devotions, psalms and especially
praise music always boosts my day
Alice> Yes Joy! Amen!!!
Karen> When
we choose a solution or even choose a new way of coping with something we also
set a day to evaluate it
janine> Yes, Joy, where would we be without the
Lord??????
Karen> Yes, Joy-it's great to have Christian music nearby to
play
GUEST_JOY> praise music always lifts me even when i've been down and
out for many many days
GUEST_JOY> if possible fresh air works wonders too
janine>
That reminds me of the verse "The joy of the Lord is my strength"
Alice>
"Put on the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness" Good scripture!
GUEST_JOY>
there are a lot of great verses on joy
janine> Good one Alice!
Karen>
It helps to have some of those Scriptures in writing posted near the bed
[HOST_Carolann]
Our hour is just about up Karen, any closing comments?
[HOST_Carolann] We have
had great discussion and insights from you Karen
Alice> Posted all over
the house for me!!!
GUEST_JOY> i am re-reading a book by minirth-meier clinicians
and have great materials on depression, anger etc
Mary_LouC> I"m going
to have to head off now. Thank you, Karen, for all the good advice! God bless
you all!
[HOST_Carolann] bye ML
Karen> I would like to say thanks for
letting me share and give one more acronym=Peace fill your days with praise, eyes
open to enjoy your loved ones, acceptance, consideration of others, and entreating
God in prayer all the time
GUEST_JOY> blessings to you all
[HOST_Carolann]
it's been really wonderful to have you share with us Karen, thanks SO much
Karen>
You are welcome.
[HOST_Carolann] you've given us all alot to think about and
use
Molly> Thank you Karen
[HOST_Carolann] anyone who wants to stay and
chat together is welcome to
Alice> Thanks so much Karen. good discussion
from everyone. I needed this. We have a visitation to go to tonight....and a funeral
for another friend about an hour away......so i am already in pain, fatigued......and
needed to be lifted up. thanks so much for this chat room and all who make it
possible.
[HOST_Carolann] you're welcome Alice, God bless you, and will pray
for God's strength for tonight
Karen> I will pray for you Alice-that is
so hard-I hope you are in an area where the weather is pleasant