-
Ask,
"What events in your life are changing and how are you
coping with the changes?"
-
Understand
that she lives in a constant state of making decisions for
which there is no guarantee that she is making the right choice.
-
Put
meals in disposable containers and attach a note saying "This
doesn't need to be returned."
-
Add
stickers to envelopes for a cheerful touch.
-
Arrange
for your friend's kids to have a night with your children.
-
Don't
make a person into a project.
-
Ask,
"Would you be willing to talk to a friend of mine who
has recently been diagnosed with a chronic illness and offer
her some encouragement?" It makes one feel good to know
that her experience can offer someone else hope and that God
still has a purpose for her life.
-
Wash
his car and put a little note inside for him to find later.
Remember important anniversaries, both the good and the bad.
No one else will.
-
Ask,
"Do you want company the day that you wait for the test
results? I could come over for a couple of hours."
-
"No
matter how little you have, you can always give some of it
away." ~Catherine Marshall
Just
listen . . . until it hurts to not say anything. And then
listen some more.
-
Ask
her, "How do you feel God is working through-or despite-this
illness in your life? I'm interested."
-
Ask,
"What do you wish people understood about your illness?"
-
Don't
make her feel guilty about things that she cannot do.
-
Treat
her to a gift of movie rentals via postal mail through a service
($7-15 a month).
-
Ask,
"Would you be comfortable with having your name on a
prayer list, so that others can pray for you?" Don't
assume.
-
Instead
of saying, "I will pray for you," say, "I'd
like to pray for you right now, if that's okay."
-
Mop
the floors.
-
Ask
if she would be interested in writing something for the church
newsletter, maybe even about the subject of living with chronic
illness.
-
Buy
a brightly colored umbrella as a gift.
-
Ask,
"Do you have an errand I can run for you before coming
over?"
-
Ask
her to do spontaneous things, like go to a concert in the
park, or just for a picnic. She may be more likely to participate
since she knows if it's a good day or a bad day.
-
Don't
say, "So, why aren't you healed yet?" or "I
wonder what God is trying to teach you that you just aren't
learning!"
-
For
a unique gift, provide brightly colored paper plates, napkins,
and utensils in a gift bag with a note that says "For
when you don't feel like doing dishes."
-
Get
her a pretty box to keep all of her notes of encouragement.
Remind her to get it out and read things when she is feeling
down.
-
Be
her advocate. If you are at an event and walking/seating is
an issue because of her disability, ask her if she'd like
you to take care of it. If she says you can, be firm but not
rude. Don't embarrass her by making accusations of discrimination
or by making a scene.
-
Ask,
"Would you be interested in a prayer partner from our
church?"
-
Purchase
matching coffee mugs for you and your friend, and then commit
to pray for one another each morning while using them.
-
Say,
"While you're in the hospital I'd be happy to take care
of your pet."
-
Don't
tell her about your brother's niece's cousin's best friend
who tried a cure for the same illness and. . . (you know the
rest).
-
Find
out which charity is most important to her and then give a
donation in her honor.
-
Ask,
"What are your top three indulgences?" and then
spoil her soon.
-
Hold
the door open for her. They are heavy!
-
Don't
tease her and call her "hop along" or "slowpoke."
Comments you mean in fun can cut to the quick and destroy
her spirit. Proverbs 18:14 says, "A man's spirit sustains
him in sickness, but a crushed spirit who can bear?"
-
Say,
"I know you must need someone to just vent to occasionally.
I may not fully understand how you feel, but I'm here to listen
anytime."
-
Ask
your church youth group to come over and clean up the yard
during seasonal changes.
-
Don't
ask her, "How are you able to make it financially?"
If she wants to share a burden she will.
-
Ask,
"What would you advise me to look for in a new doctor?"
-
If
your friend has a disabled parking placard and you are driving,
allow her to tell you where she wants to park. If she's feeling
particularly good that day, she may not want to park in the
"blue space." Don't be disappointed that you'll
have to walk farther.
-
Don't
gossip about others. She'll wonder what you say about her.
"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths,
but only what is helpful for building others up according
to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen"
(Ephesians 4:29).
-
Proverbs
25:11 says,
"A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings
of silver." Be kind, gentle, and respectful.
-
Accept
that her chronic illness may not go away. If she's accepting
it, don't tell her the illness is winning and she's giving
in to it.
-
Don't
say, "Let me know if there is anything I can do."
People rarely feel comfortable saying, "Yes, my laundry."
Instead pick something you are willing to do and then ask
her permission. Try the coupon in back!
-
Ask
her to share her testimony at an event.
-
Buy
a magazine subscription for her on her favorite topic.
-
Plant
a rosebush to view from a window.
-
Understand
that you don't need to know all of the details about the
illness in order to be helpful.
He'll
share with you what he's comfortable with you knowing.
-
Don't
ask, "Why can't the doctors help you?" or insinuate
that it must be in her head. There are millions of people
who are in pain with illnesses that do not have cures.
-
Avoid
having gifts be "pity gifts." Just say, "I
saw these flowers and their cheerfulness reminded me of
you."
-
Send
tapes of church services your friend misses to her with
a copy of the bulletin and a note.
-
If
she doesn't have a cordless phone, get her one. Phone headsets
are also nice.
