National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week

How to Soar Unafraid Through
Life Even With Invisible Illness

Jo Franz
Author

Jo Franz has had MS since 1977, while learning to live a joyful, abundant life despite numerous other problems. She knows the pain of abandonment, rejection, times of severe MS weakness, and even a cervical spinal cord injury.

But Jo has learned to live a life of adventure! She speaks for audiences across the nation of all sizes, inspiring them to live with Christ’s power in their weaknesses—no matter what those may be—for Jo believes all are “disabled” in some way or another.

Her authenticity is obvious during her vulnerable sharing of her own failures and triumphs. In addition to singing and writing songs for her CD, she has contributed stories to various other books. Jo is a national speaker, as well as peer counselor and inspirational speaker for the National MS Society. Her new memoir, Soar Unafraid, Learning to Trust No Matter What, is available at her web site www.jofranz.com. Jo can be contacted for speaking from there as well.

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How to Soar Unafraid Through
Life Even With Invisible Illness

Host_Laura_LRae: But Jo has learned to live a life of adventure! She speaks for audiences across the nation of all sizes, inspiring them to live with Christ's power in their weaknesses-no matter what those may be-for Jo believes all are "disabled" in some way or another.
Her authenticity is obvious during her vulnerable sharing of her own failures and triumphs. In addition to singing and writing songs for her CD, she has contributed stories to various other books. Jo is a national speaker, as well as peer counselor and inspirational speaker for the National MS Society. Her new memoir, Soar Unafraid, Learning to Trust No Matter What, is available at her web site www.jofranz.com. Jo can be contacted for speaking from there as well.
Her topic for today is: "How to Soar Unafraid Through Life Even With Invisible Illness"
But before we begin, let's ask the Lord's blessing upon our time and our speaker.
Father, Thank You for being One is well acquainted with affliction, trial, and grief. We trust You brought us here today for a reason and trust You with our life. We pray for those who are hurting today Lord, those who hurt physically, emotionally and spiritually. Comfort them as they come to hear words of encouragement and love. Bless our speaker; guide the words that are spoken so that when we are done here, we will know that we have been in Your Presence. In Jesus precious name we pray, Amen.
Remember, If you have a question or a comment for either the speaker or the host, use the ASK box. You may begin sending your questions and comments at any time once the seminar has begun. During Q&A, the speaker will respond, as time permits. Thank you.
Now, It is my pleasure to introduce Jo Franz! Jo, welcome and may the Lord bless you as you share with us today!

Jo_Franz: thanks so much, Laura. I'm delighted to be with you all today!
I remember hearing my diagnosis in 1978 after a year of strange, mostly invisible (all but leaning to the left when I walked) symptoms like it was yesterday. I suspected I had MS before that, though.
I raised funds for the National MS Society the year before because a girlfriend had it. Since I already knew some of what could happen to me, my fear level raised a notch.
As I lay in the hospital thinking about those possibilities tears poured from my eyes. (This was long before treatments began being available in 1994, which lower the incidence and severity of MS exacerbations, or attacks.)

A long journey of learning how to keep fear from ruling my life began. I'd like to share some of what I've learned before dialoguing with you.

First of all, fear is a God-given emotion that causes a fight or flight response. We experience fear naturally. It is NOT something to be ashamed of or neglected.
It's as natural as good feelings in the opposite circumstances! Fear gives us an indicator that we need to get away from something or someone harmful. It tells us to protect ourselves.

Fear also says, "You need to do something about this!" Or it says, "Get to work on this situation right away."
But fear can also become terror if we allow it. Instead of acting in the proper way to an outside force, or an inside one-and disease is both, we can do what is called "awfulize."
In other words, make it more awful than it is. Studies have shown most people in most instances highly overestimate the emotional impact of what they are contemplating…The worst thing we feel when we face negative possibilities isn't the illness, but the unpredictability of it.

Someone said, "99% of what we worry about doesn't happen."

For those of us with illnesses, we really need to learn how to contain fear so it doesn't become terror and let it work FOR us instead of against us.

Worry robs us of nutrition our body needs.

It wears us out emotionally and physically, exhausting us, and causes the dominoes to fall around us-our worry tends to create the same in others.
Not only that, it robs our joy and how much we could still be getting out of life.
So, the first thing I do is remember God loves us and is in ultimate control of the universe. Having dealt with much more than just disease in my life, this has been something I've HAD to remember.

Romans 8 tells us in various ways that nothing can be against us that God does not know about, nor can separate us from him, or he can't use together for our good. When I remember that, I calm the "awfulizing."

Secondly, we need to take the fear and put it in perspective. If so and so happened, then what would I do? Many people think "If I am unable to do so and so, I'll give up…" I'll let you dialogue more on this in a minute.
I journal, or list, my fears one by one. Then I counteract them with the truth. What is the truth if so and so happens?
If I don't know what the truth might mean, in other words, I don't know what it could be like to be hospitalized with paralysis, I seek help.

In this case, I think of my paralyzed friend, Joni Eareckson Tada, and realize once again-I could live and be productive for God's kingdom like Joni.

Next, ask, what does this fear mean to me? How can I take steps that mean a change in my life so that I'm prepared IF my worst fear is realized?

For instance, when I became severely weakened four years ago by two MS attacks within a few weeks my husband traveled three days a week and couldn't push me around the house in my wheelchair, we needed to rent a scooter for inside the home.

As the weakness lifted some, I began my five-day weekly exercises gradually, and then the following year another MS attack hit me, when we saw that I'd progressed some, we made plans to get a power chair for me to use when necessary.
But this brings up another step to managing fear-sometimes healthy denial of what might happen helps us live life more fully. Don't expect the worst. Don't dwell on what could happen. Live for TODAY.

And then, we must grieve losses that actually do occur and progression of our disease.
This is not wrong-Jesus himself wept! It's healthy to cry-it releases endorphins into our system that are healing, not the opposite.

Once I grieved that need for the power chair for distances because I just can't walk far, I began enjoying the freedom it gives me.
Support groups, where we can talk about our fears, are helpful. And being honest with our family members if they're old enough is good as well-especially our spouse.
He/she may need to share their fears. If they can't one on one with us, then a support group for both spouses can be a good outlet.
that should have said if our spouse can't be open with us, then a support group may help them open up.

My most powerful antidote to fear is praising God because of WHO HE IS. When I focus my heart on praise I take my mind off myself and my fear.

I'll open it up to questions and comments now.

Shep: This awfulizing is a very familiar term to me having dealt with anxiety and panic disorder for over 20 years now. I was taught a program that included a step called "reframing' the 'awful thing' in such a way as it 'proved it wrong'. Are you famliar with that particular method of 'reframing the fear' into a more realistic size and situation?
Jo_Franz: No, but it makes sense. the steps I suggested sound like that very thing. Putting it in perspective.

p.j: i'm familar with joni E.T's story, honestly that is my worst fear ever, to be parazlyed, therefore, i always keep a option in mind for escape. to the point of having a d.n.r. order in will. i'm not Joni, tho admire her greatly. family thinks i am awful having plans on what to do if such an such happens- don't know how to over come that fear? is it a sin to have a back up plan? others make me feel guilty
Jo_Franz: I don't think it's sin. I think as long as you don't focus on it constantly. Do you think you do? What do you mean by Option in mind for escape? I think worrying about anything, focusing on it can be sin because Jesus told us not to worry about tomorrow. Can you focus on today more by remembering Jesus loves us and has tomorrow in his hands?

JBZ: You mentionned that we should put things into perspective - but how can we do that if there is absolutely no way of knowing the truth of what is going to happen or how we will react to it as it does? Only God knows these answers... We cannot predict the future but some truths cannot be avoided, for example, that we will all die some day - but we can't live our lives thinking about the day we'll die - are you talking more about these certain things?
Jo_Franz: Knowing the truth means that God cares and loves us and won't allow anything to happen to us He can't use for our good. It doesn't mean we know what the future means by any means regarding anything. Does that make sense?

p.j: no i dont focus on it all the time-
Jo_Franz: That's good. What do you mean by means of escape?
I want you all to know that I have fears. It's what we do with them that matters. This is when we have to take them to God because we trust that He cares.

p.j: no i realize worry worry worry is like a rocking chair- u rock an rock and get no where- but yes, it is in back of mind a lot.
Jo_Franz: I would suggest you decide each time the fear of paralysis comes into your mind you focus on something else. That way it doesn't become such a feature in your life.

JBZ: Would this be similar to asking youself what is the worse that can happen and realizing that it is not really as bad as we thought and can be dealt with?
Jo_Franz: Yes! Many people think--if I'm ever in a wheelchair, I'll die! but when that happens to them they adjust and realize they can still live.

Carol: Embarrasment is problematic to me, and have found that perhaps the idea of awfulizing, ( may help with this too?) I should not care how people will react to something, but think we all do to a degree? Feeling that people who knew me before, all this took place, how I looked, and all I could do before and the energy, makes me hate to be seen, anymore, and yet ( and at times id) conquer this fear, I am able I find to still do many things yet for God. I do worry about the "What Ifs" knowing I seem to get worse each yr.
Jo_Franz: Yes, worrying about what people think and feel about us is awfulizing. So--what's the worst that can happen? they don't like me? they don't accept me as I am? There ARE PEOPLE WHO DO, so I need to let these people be my source of joy and help in my life.

heal: Great thoughts on fear -this can apply to all of life - especially since we seem to be living in a world where fear builds on fear
Jo_Franz: AMEN, especially since yesterday was 9/11.

heal: There is an excellant book out there that talks about "cognitive restructuring" and gives you step by step ways to do it and also lists the destructive thought pattterns we engage in - such as awfulizing woe is me perfectionism and how to reframe them.
Jo_Franz: This is it. We are told in the Bible to take every thought captive unto Christ--in other words, think how Jesus would look at it.

heal: The book is Feeling Good The New Mood Therapy By D. Burns
Jo_Franz: Great. Thanks for sharing that with everyone!

Shep: One verse that has really helps me and that I keep posted on my computer screen is "The Lord will perfect that which concerneth me; thy mercy O Lord endureth forever. Forsake not the work of thy hands." Psalm 138:8 -- keeping the WORD posted around us is a great way to 'see' the Lord near us all the time.
Jo_Franz: I agree! I remember verses I've memorized at painful, fearful times. they come to me from the Spirt. fill our minds with the Word of God and we will live fearlessly!

craftingrama: do you have any suggestions of how to handle family that makes you feel even more useless then your already feeling. Somedays I feel like saying to them"get behind me satan" but I know they would probably call the guys with the white coats hehe
Jo_Franz: Yeah, I wouldn't suggest you say that! However, I'd sit down or encourage a counseling situation or group session with the disease group you are part of and tell your feelings with "I" sentences--"I feel so and so when you say so and so to me."

Shep: One thing with panic attacks, the common concern is almost always imminent death -- so when I am 'anxious' about something, but not really fearing death, I know I can 'rationalize and de-awfulize' it. With a panic attack, it is important for me to know that there is something 'chemical' going on and I am not 'a worry wart'. Being told to 'just stop worrying' when you are in panic, is like telling a diabetic to 'just balance your sugar levels' -- some of these things really do need to be 'medicated' like any other disorder. Medication doesn't mean it is a sign of weakness.
Jo_Franz: I agree. RXs are necessary for some conditions.

Carol: Guess we need to just "take today at face value" and realize that God still has things for us to do, to make a difference for other's in spite of what we are living, now? We must live in the present taking " One day at a time" growing old gracefully, knowing God is in control of each thing each day?
Jo_Franz: Yes, Carol! You're on track. I sing a line from a song each day that says, "All my days are gifts from you, I pray I use them as you want me to. Use them for you." And then I pray for wisdom for that day. Shine through me today, Spirit, to whomever I speak and see--even angels watching!

Host_Laura_LRae: The clincher for me in deciding how to deal with my fear is where my trust lies. Am I trusting in a plan I've decided for myself without consulting God because I think I know what I can cope with, or am I trusting in God and that I don't have to worry about what will happen because He promises to take care of every need and He knows my needs better than I do.
Jo_Franz: That's right. Have any of you focused on praising God because of who He is? I find when I'm doing that fear melts away.

Host_Laura_LRae: We have a little time left and still have time to receive other questions for Jo.

Beth: Re angels: Something I learned from Joni E.T. is that even when we think there's no one there to see how we're handling our lives the angels watch and praise God.
Jo_Franz: Yes, I learned that from her as well. And when I'm alone laid up with an MS attack (or in the hospital due to the cervical spinal cord injury) I remember angels are watching.

JBZ: How do we deal with people who "de-awfulize" it too much, because they don't realise what it's like to live with a chronic condition?
Jo_Franz: Good question. It's really important for US who have the disease to let others know what we're dealing with. They can't know our invisible symptoms. They need to know how much we're affected by them in order to not de-awfulize them.
Honesty in relationships is crucial. My first husband let fear rule his life (and he was a pastor) without telling me, so that when he exploded, I had no idea.

Shep: Jo, you seem like you are an incredible person - dealing with your physical illness, emotional issues, and yet, you have found time to do so much more. It begs the question "How do you balance 'work' and caring for yourself and your family?"
Jo_Franz: You're very kind. I LOVE LIFE AND GOD! Well, our children are grown and out of the house--so that helps! I pray for the Spirit's strength in ALL THINGS I DO, because without his I wouldn't be able to do much. This year I've done better than I have in four and I'm multi-tasking more than ever with the book out, TV and radio interviews, and speaking!

Jan-Lyn: I get focussed on who and how I will be taken care of if I am unable to care for myself. My extended family tends not to be able, nor always do they believe my illness since it is strange and invisable. I get frightened thinking of my 3 children having to watch me die. How does one overcome that type of fear. I try not to focus on it, but it is with me daily...this is probably sin, but also, not being financially prepared.
Jo_Franz: I can only imagine how you feel--bless your heart. BLESS ALL YOUR HEARTS! I think taking steps to see how you can be more financially prepared would help you deal with that fear, don't you? I would talk with your children. Ask them how they're doing with your illness? love them with all your heart and let God handle the unknowns. But focus on what YOU can do to make life easier for all of you

p.j: wow, if even your husband [a pastor] didnt get it- or know what to do- no wonder mine doesnt
Jo_Franz: Anyone can make decisions to focus on the wrong things--we're all human.

Beth: I came in late. You may have covered this, but another thing that has helped me is remembering that "It's Not About Me." God is the important One here. Not that He doesn't care of course, but He's working out a special plan in my life to glorify Himself. (AND for my best too! How neat is that?!)
Jo_Franz: YES, THAT'S IT!

Angie: Jo, I don't understand your statement about hubby - u think u should have told him more?
Jo_Franz: I think we should have dialogued more. But there was more to it than that- You'll have to read my book to get it all. :-) He made some very wrong choices, and we needed to be communicating better--and I learned part of that was my problem. He divorced me after 15 years of marriage, 8 with MS

JBZ: It's so hard to keep an honest relationship while feeling properly understood and respected... but I guess you won't get that either by hiding or lying about things.
Jo_Franz: No. We MUST learn to be honest and upfront but use "I" not "YOU" sentences. those are attacking or blaming and people don't respond well at all to them.

p.j: i agree jo- you are doing a great job- an inspiration to us all
Jo_Franz: Thanks so much. It's a privilege to be God's servant. It's an honor and a joy. I just LOVE getting to do things like this and speak and sing and write! Find things you like to do and do them for our Lord!

Host_Laura_LRae: Our hour is over; thank you, Jo... let's close in prayer!

Jan-Lyn: I have been a Christian since a child and always trusted, but my illness now involves a swelling throat and can be frightening; lots of unknowns and uncertainty how to heal. I did have panic attacks, but now they are under control. I do get very frightened, then think I want to escape it all before my children see me die a slow, horrifying death. I want to live for the Lord, but this keeps popping up.
Jo_Franz: As long as you keep giving it to God. In my life I've had so very many difficulties--not just illness and physical trauma--and I've learned we just keep on praying honestly to God

Jo_Franz: Thanks you all so much

Host_Laura_LRae: Father, thank You so much for dying for us and suffering the way You did for us.

Jo_Franz: God you are amazing!

Host_Laura_LRae: Please teach us to keep our fears in proper perspective and deal with them in ways that honor and glorify You

Jo_Franz: AMEN

Host_Laura_LRae: Thank you for how You've worked in Jo's life and for bringing her here to be a blessing to us. Please keep her encouraged in Your word and truth. In Jesus' name...Amen!

Host_Laura_LRae: Transcripts will be available in 2-3 weeks. Next Speaker: Sherril Johnson, "Blogging about your Illness" beginning at 6pm Eastern.