National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week

Invisible Disabilities: But You LOOK Good! / Statistics /
What to Say / What Not to Say / How to Help?

Sherri Connell
Author, Founder of Invisible Disabilities Advocate,

Sherri Connell has led a very active life of working, singing and dancing in musicals, cheerleading, acting, modeling, lifting weights and riding her horse. She has a Bachelor’s Degree in Human Resource Management, a Bachelor’s Degree in Christian Leadership and a Minor in Liberal Arts.

Even though Sherri battled strep throat, the flu, bronchitis and pneumonia from the time she was 14, she was a very driven and goal oriented person. Nevertheless, at the age of 27 her life took a very sudden turn. During another bout with pneumonia, Sherri became paralyzed and so sick she could barely sit up. She was diagnosed with Primary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis and Late-Chronic Lyme Disease from a tick bite when she was 14. After years of therapy, she regained some mobility in her legs, but she remained unable to function on a daily basis with out assistance.

It did not take long for Sherri and her husband, Wayne to discover that Sherri was not the only one grappling with these responses. As a result, Wayne founded, The Invisible Disabilities Advocate (a 501(c)3 Non-Profit Organization). Together, they have written the book, But You LOOK Good! A Guide to Understanding and Encouraging People Living with Chronic Illness and Pain. IDA reaches around the world to people living with debilitating chronic illness, pain and injuries with articles, pamphlets, booklets, links, a support group and more! Wayne is joined by several business and medical professionals on IDA’s Executive and Advisory Boards.

“Invisible Disabilities: What to Say, What Not to Say and How to Help” will be presented by Sherri Connell, BA, co-author of the book, But You LOOK Good! Connell knows first hand what it is like to contend with debilitating illness. Surprisingly to her, friends and family had difficulty understanding Sherri’s illness, because to them she “looked good.” Soon, she and her husband Wayne discovered Sherri was not alone. So, Wayne founded The Invisible Disabilities Advocate, a non-profit organization that reaches around the world to others living with chronic illness, pain, injury and disabilities.

Visit the websites:
The Invisible Disabilities Advocate | But You LOOK Good! | The Cleaner Indoor Air Campaign | Where Is God Ministries

Invisible Disabilities: But You LOOK Good! / Statistics /
What to Say / What Not to Say / How to Help?

Host_Mary_Shep: Welcome to the National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week seminar. My name is Mary (a.k.a. "Shep" to many of you), and I'll be your host for this hour. We will open in prayer; then our guest will present the topic, after which there will be a question and answer period, then we will close in prayer.

Sherri Connell has led a very active life of working, singing and dancing in musicals, cheerleading, acting, modeling, lifting weights and riding her horse. She has a Bachelor's Degree in Human Resource Management, a Bachelor's Degree in Christian Leadership and a Minor in Liberal Arts.

Despite the seriousness of Sherri's illness, people often had difficulty understanding how she could "look good" to them, even though she was very sick. For a goal oriented, talented, career driven person like Sherri, these notions were absolutely devastating. It did not take long for Sherri and her husband, Wayne to discover that Sherri was not the only one grappling with these responses. As a result, Wayne founded, The Invisible Disabilities Advocate (a 501(c)3 Non-Profit Organization).

Together, they have written the book, But You LOOK Good! A Guide to Understanding and Encouraging People Living with Chronic Illness and Pain. IDA reaches around the world to people living with debilitating chronic illness, pain and injuries with articles, pamphlets, booklets, links, a support group and more! Wayne is joined by several business and medical professionals on IDA's Executive and Advisory Boards.

"Invisible Disabilities: What to Say, What Not to Say and How to Help" will be presented by Sherri Connell, BA, co-author of the book, But You LOOK Good! Connell knows first hand what it is like to contend with debilitating illness.

Surprisingly to her, friends and family had difficulty understanding Sherri's illness, because to them she "looked good." Soon, she and her husband Wayne discovered Sherri was not alone. So, Wayne founded The Invisible Disabilities Advocate, a non-profit organization that reaches around the world to others living with chronic illness, pain, injury and disabilities.

Her topic for today is: "Invisible Disabilities: But You LOOK Good! / Statistics / What to Say / What Not to Say / How to Help?"

But before we begin, let's ask the Lord's blessing upon our time and our speaker.

Father, we thank you for another day of opportunity. Help us to glean from these talks the things we need to help us to live better, healthier and stronger in our sometimes weak bodies.

Thank you for those who have been bringing resources to others, while dealing with many invisible illnesses of their own.

Bless them as they share what has been laid upon their hearts. Thank you for the work of their hands - bless their ministries we pray. We thank you for this day and all we will learn in it! `In Jesus Name, Amen.

Now, it is my pleasure to introduce Sherri Connell, welcome and may the Lord bless you as you share with us today!

Sherri_Connell: Thank you, Shep!

I am going to start by giving a presentation based on some information from our book called, But You LOOK Good! A Guide to Understanding and Encouraging People Living with Chronic Illness and Pain.

http://www.ButYouLookGood.org

Do not worry if you cannot read and comprehend it all right now. You may order the book later or print the transcripts of the conference. I will inter-disperse some questions in between my presentation, so we can all participate! Then, if we have time towards the end, we will chat! Sound like a plan? Good to see you all!

WHAT IS A CHRONIC CONDITION?

A chronic condition is a disease, disorder, birth defect or injury that a person lives with on a continuous basis. Chronic means the condition lasts a year or longer, limits activity and may require ongoing care. Not everyone with a chronic illness has the same symptoms or degree of symptoms. Some have mild complications and with a little adjustment in their diets or schedules, they can lead a pretty "normal" life. Some have to make bigger changes, sacrificing various activities or their work situations in order to contend with their conditions. Others are unable to work at all and struggle just to meet life's daily needs.

STATISTICS:

More than 125 million Americans have at least one chronic condition. Nearly half have more than one (Partnership for Solutions, 2000). Over 40 million people are limited in their daily activities by chronic conditions (National Institute of Nursing Research 1997). 54 million Americans have some sort of disability and 26 million of those are considered to have a "severe disability" (US Census Bureau, 1997).

WHAT IS A DISABILITY?"

"A person is considered to have a disability if he or she has difficulty performing certain functions (seeing, hearing, talking, walking, climbing stairs and lifting and carrying), or has difficulty performing activities of daily living, or has difficulty with certain social roles (doing school work for children, working at a job and around the house for adults)" (Census Bureau 1997).

Just because a person has a disability, does not mean they are "disabled." Many living with physical or mental challenges are still able to be active in their hobbies, work and sports. On the other hand, some struggle just to get through their day at work and some cannot work at all.

We are slowing the pace a little, thank you!

According to the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990 (ADA) an individual with a disability is a person who: Has a physical or mental impairment that substantially limits one or more major life activities; has a record of such an impairment; or is regarded as having such an impairment (Disability Discrimination).

Our society tends to think they can tell who has and who does not have a chronic condition or disability by looking at them. On the contrary, the 1994-1995 Survey of Income and Program Participation (SIPP) found that 26 million Americans (almost 1 in 10) were considered to have a severe disability, while only 1.8 million used a wheelchair and 5.2 million used a cane, crutches or walker (Americans with Disabilities 94-95). In other words, 74% of Americans who live with a severe disability do not use such devices. Therefore, a disability cannot be determined solely on whether or not a person uses assistive equipment.

WHAT IS AN "INVISIBLE DISABILITY?"

In a nutshell, the term Invisible Disabilities refers a person's symptoms such as extreme fatigue, dizziness, pain, weakness, cognitive impairments, etc. that are sometimes or always debilitating. These symptoms can occur due to chronic illness, chronic pain, injury, birth disorders, etc. and are not always obvious to the onlooker.

A person can have an Invisible Disability whether or not they have a "visible" impairment or use an assistive device like a wheelchair, walker, cane, etc. For example, whether or not a person utilizes an assistive device, if they are debilitated by such symptoms as extreme pain, fatigue, cognitive dysfunctions and dizziness, they have invisible disabilities.

The truth is, whether or not a person uses an assistive device, people do not always understand the fatigue, pain, dizziness and cognitive symptoms that are not always apparent on the outside. When a person LOOKS FINE, often others wonder how they can be ill or in pain! And, this is what can cause doubt in the eyes of society and even in the eyes of loved ones. What most people do not realize is that even though these symptoms are not always obvious, they can nevertheless cause very real limitations. Unfortunately, if families and friends are not supportive, it may be because they cannot SEE what is causing the limitations.

Often, they think because a person LOOKS good on the outside, they must be FEELING good on the inside. They do not realize that most chronic illness and injuries are "invisible" from the outside, even though they are very real on the inside.

QUESTION TO ALL OF YOU: What kinds of conditions do we have represented here?

guest: Fibromyalgia

agapedew: Recently diagnosed MS/visual loss/degenerative bone disease

Angie: Depression, anxiety, osteoarthritis, pain

heybeth: Chronic Epstein-Barr Virus, Fibromyalgia, Arthritis

Sabine: Fibromyalgia, endometriosis, back pain

Denise_M: RA, osteoporosis, Reynaud's, lung cancer

Renee: MCS

Cindy: Fibro and Chronic Fatigue Immune Dysfunction Syndrome

BevinUSA: Brain injury, cognitive def, short term memory nerve and muscle damage, bulging disc's, diabetes, fibromyalgia, CFS, etc., etc.

Jan-Lyn: Fibro, unhealed laryngeal GERD and chemical sensitivities

a_ron: Parkinson's

bleu: Depression, some anxiety

Valerie: Myasthenia gravis, arthritis, CFS

Sherri_Connell: Wow!!! Lots of things!!! More coming in, but let's move on for now and talk more later!

BUT YOU LOOK GOOD!

The biggest grievance those living with chronic conditions have, is when people tell us, "But you look good." Loved ones might be surprised to learn that this does not mean we do not want to look good. In fact, most people living with chronic illness and pain want to look our best and would welcome a compliment. Nevertheless, when this phrase is used to convey disbelief that our condition is real, it is not used as a compliment but as a dispute.

Here is an example: A scenario that often plays out is when we tell our loved about our illness or injury. Instead of listening and acknowledging what we are saying, they refute what we are telling them by declaring, "But you look good." Regrettably, when others reply this way, we will often hear, "But I don't believe you, because I can't see it for myself."

Lisa Copen, Founder of Rest Ministries shared, "Peoples' observations do not conform to their expectation as to what a sick person should look and act like. Therefore they are quick to become intolerant and suspect that the symptoms are overstated."

Unfortunately, great strains are forced onto relationships when friends, family and even strangers doubt a condition really exists or is truly as limiting as a person claims. Sadly, this can be a gut wrenching blow when others do not believe what we are saying. It makes us feel as if the rug is being pulled out from under us, as they stand in disbelief of our word.

THERE ARE MANY REASONS WHY FRIENDS AND FAMILY MAY NOT WANT TO ACKNOWLEGE A LOVED ONE'S ILLNESS:

Some loved ones remain in denial, because it is easier to deny there is a problem, than to face it. They are often afraid we will "give in" to the illness. They fear accepting means not trying anymore. They think accepting it means giving in to it. They might think if they do not acknowledge it, then it might go away.

Sometimes they believe that if they ignore it, we might be able to as well. They honestly care about us and hate to see us hurting, so they cannot bear to see our pain. They can be frustrated, because they know they cannot help. Some need to believe that we are failing to seek out the answer, because otherwise, they would have to realize it could happen to them.

In all, their reactions are perfectly "normal," because everyone faces denial when they are presented with a tragic situation, even when it is not directly happening to them. Yet, when they continue to tell us it's "not that bad" and we are "must not be trying hard enough," we are left feeling alone and isolated in our battles. As a whole, we desire for our loved ones to believe us and acknowledge our situation. As Melissa Bienvenu, a woman with arthritis exclaimed, "Facing facts, however frightening, is vital to mutual coping. You can't begin to solve a problem if one or both of you refuse to acknowledge it." When we all address the facts, we can move on to practical help. After all, no one can stand along side a soldier to plan and execute the battle against an enemy if they refuse to believe the adversary even exists!

QUESTION TO ALL OF YOU: What are some other reasons why our friends and family may not want to acknowledge our illness?

Host_Mary_Shep: This just reminded me of a time I went to see my doctor (who is a compassionate man by the way). After testing me and x-raying me, he returned to the room and said "You are a lot sicker than you look! You have double pneumonia!" I said -- yeah, I told you I didn't feel good -- so your point is well taken!

heybeth: Afraid we're not the same person anymore.

Renee: It means they were wrong

Sherri_Connell: Yes, true.

Host_Mary_Shep: They fear they don't know how to help us?

penny: It hurts them to see me in pain.

Valerie: Because we may have illnesses that fluctuate - symptoms are not the same every day - may even vary hour by hour.

Renee: More work for them.

patty123: Fear of "catching" something they don't understand.

Bernwoodshanover: Too afraid to really know what's going on.

Schatze: They may be afraid something will be expected of them, as far as helping out.

Donna: They can't accept that it's a permanent disability. When they get sick, they get better; so they think if we would only exercise more, get more sleep, eat better, etc., then we'd "get better," too.

Angie: Afraid they have failed us somehow (healthcare providers/parents).

agapedew: Well, I thought it was because they were young adults and self focused but now you saying others have this same response - it might be this very thing you mentioned.

Sherri_Connell: Wow! Some great answers!

p.j: They miss the old us - so fear of their own loss.

Carol: They do not want us to be ill. Or it could be that they want to keep us doing all the work (Just kidding). But it can happen. It is not so hard for them, to take on added responsibility, perhaps?

agapedew: Daughters like thinking of me as supermom?

Sherri_Connell: Yes!!! So, let's move on! Oh here is one more!

Denise_M: "Knowing" it will get worse and they might lose you.

guest: If your symptoms are psychosomatic, it means they were "right" about any crazy, artistic thing or profession you've ever done.

Sherri_Connell:

WE WANT TO MAKE PEOPLE UNDERSTAND:

When someone develops a chronic illness or acquires an injury, life changes and limitations can be mild, moderate or drastic. We have a desire for others to understand what we have lost and what we are going through, so it is hurtful for us when they do not. Nevertheless, we need to come to terms with the fact that no one can truly understand the depths of the losses and battles, unless they have experienced them first hand.

I like to give the example of an airplane: I DO have AN understanding that an airplane does fly. I DO have AN understanding that if I get in a plane, it will go up in the air and take me to my destination. Yet, I do not FULLY understand HOW it flies. I really do not FULLY understand HOW it is even possible.

Just the same: Our loved ones can have AN understanding that we have an illness or injury that is chronic. They can even have AN understanding that we have limitations. However, they will not FULLY understand HOW we feel. They cannot FULLY understand WHY we feel this way sometimes and another way other times. We cannot expect others who are not ill to FULLY understand what it like emotionally, physically, financially and psychologically. Therefore, we must not strive to make them FULLY understand. If we do, we will become frustrated, upset and isolated.

On the other hand, it is not always understanding that we are seeking. We just want people to takes us for our word. We want people to believe us when we say our symptoms are debilitating, even though they can't see them. We want people to believe us when we say we can't do something, because we know the price we will pay, even though nobody else may be around to see it. In all, what we really need is for our loved ones to BELIEVE us and believe IN us.

PEOPLE DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO SAY US:

The biggest fear loved ones have is that they simply do not know what to say. Several years ago, I was in a large group of women from my church of 3 years. I stood up and told them something that was on my heart. I explained that I felt as if I was being evaded. I felt left out and misunderstood. Afterwards, several of them came up to me and asked for forgiveness for purposely avoiding me in church! They went on to explain that they never approached me, because they did not know what to say to me. They admitted that my situation was out of their realm of experience. I was taken back with utter thankfulness for these women and their vulnerable honesty! I have known that this could be the case for many years. But, to actually hear it from those who felt this way was FREEING!

Let's be candid with ourselves. It is a sad and frustrating truth, but it is reality. Many people simply fear saying the wrong things to us. They struggle with the right words and really do not know how to encourage us. For those who do try to speak to us, they are often met with opposition from us, because they said something we took offensively. So, they give up trying. I am thankful these women gave me a glimpse into the hearts of how others see me. Even though it feels as if people do not want to be around me, many really do see how difficult my situation is and are overwhelmed by the enormity of it. It is not that they do not WANT to spend time with me. It is that they do not know HOW.

MANY DO TRY TO SAY THE RIGHT THING:

Many friends and family members truly desire to encourage their loved one! They really do care, are heartbroken over their situation and yearn to help us through it! We should be thankful for the people who want to try. Even though they may say something that seems inappropriate to us, their intentions may be good. We should have patience with them as they struggle to learn what to say.

I realize that many of you probably have loved ones who seem to refuse to listen to anything you say. They do not want to read about your illness and would rather act as if it does not exist. The booklet does address the many reasons why our friends and family may rather stay in denial. For many, it has opened their eyes to why they are responding that way.

HERE ARE A FEW EXAMPLES OF COMMENTS THAT CAN BE DISCOURAGING:

We have probably all heard many of these remarks. Though most of them come from a person who has intentions of being encouraging, to us they feel like a confirmation that people do not have any idea what we are going through.

"Be positive!"

"Look at the bright side!"

"Cheer up!"

"You look like you are feeling well!"

"You must be doing better!"

"You must be having a good day!"

"You're doing better, aren't you?"

"Come on...you can do it."

"It's not that hard."

"You always say, 'no'!"

"Aren't you better off when you push yourself?"

"At least you have ____."

"At least you can ____."

"At least you're not ____."

"It is not that bad!"

"It could be worse!"

"You're lucky you don't have to work!"

"Why don't you just ____."

"Why can't you just ____."

"Why can't they just ____."

And last, but NOT least: "But, you don't LOOK sick!"

"But, you LOOK like you feel good!"

"But, you LOOK good!"

"But, you are here, so you MUST be doing well!"

"But, you LOOK fine to me!"

When someone makes comments like these to us, we feel as if they are saying, "Ya, but it can't be that bad", "But, you must not be telling the truth, because you LOOK fine" or "But, you LOOK good, so you must be exaggerating." All of these comments cut like a knife, because it feels as if this person does not believe what we are going through is REAL and as difficult as it is. Moreover, we feel as if they think we are just exaggerating and embellishing the truth.

On the contrary, we, as people who live with chronic illness, do not want to give up! We want to laugh, smile, look our best and enjoy life! After all, it is our incredible courage, perseverance and persistence to fight for our lives, which make our painful disabilities SEEM invisible to the naked eye!

QUESTION TO ALL OF YOU: How does it make you feel when someone says something like this?

patty123: Yes - that is it - for people to have faith and believe us - just take our word - otherwise we may feel like we have to keep explaining it.

Valerie: Sherri, what do you do when you have people at church who lay their hands on you - pray for your healing - and they EXPECT the healing????

Sherri_Connell: Let's talk later... sorry, I am so slow at this!

patty123: It would be interesting to ask someone who questions and/or yells at someone with an invisible impairment who parks in a handicapped parking space - "What exactly does someone sick look like?" It may stop them cold. I actually try to be very polite and tactful and teach people about invisible illnesses when I get the opportunity - but I've often wondered if such a question would make people think a bit.....hmmmm

Host_Mary_Shep: Like not going out again

BevinUSA: I hurt inside.

cj_Encourage: Frustrated.

Sabine: Misunderstood, defensive.

Renee: They think I'm over exaggerating.

Angie: Defeated.

agapedew: Last night, I wanted to say, "Would you like me to pluck my eyes OUT so you can see I am visually blind?"

TriciaJ: Like a hypocrite or liar.

guest: I keep wishing I had a good (polite but still true) response to THIS for when people really mean "you don't look horrible" but it still is a "wrong" thing for them to say, so I could help them come up with something too.

penny: It kills my spirit.

Denise_M: It used to bother me, but truth be told, now I'm just glad to hear them say anything at all.

Valerie: I sometimes question myself - "Why do I feel so poorly - and yet "Look Good Today?"

heybeth: It makes me crazy! When you try so hard to "look good" and you walk away from a conversation feeling even worse.

p.j: Makes you feel even worse than you do! Also, hurts when you hear from your own kids- we miss our old mom-- like I don't?

patty123: My husband always tells me what you just said - it's our courage, perseverance and persistence - and also how we've learned to still be cordial and smile still through it all - that can make it SEEM invisible - that's so true.

Sabine: I feel like not going out, too. Like Shep said. I'm afraid to be seen working in the garden because someone always seems to notice and comment on it. Afterwards I might be in bed for the day.

migraine-man: It makes me wonder what they're thinking when they're NOT saying anything!

Sherri_Connell: Some really hurt feelings here!!!

Host_Mary_Shep: Makes you want to say '' Man, then you must be having a REALLY bad day!"

Sherri_Connell:

HERE ARE A FEW EXAMPLES OF COMMENTS THAT CAN BE ENCOURAGING:

Again, in the book we explain WHY they are encouraging.

"It must be really hard, because you can no longer ____."

"I can't imagine what you have been through!"

"What you have been through is horrible!"

"I can't believe what you must go through every day!"

"Honestly, how are you doing?"

"How can I pray for you?"

"So, what is really going on?"

"I am so glad you are here, I know it is a huge sacrifice for you!"

"Wow! Thank you for coming!"

"I'm going to the store; can I pick something up for you?"

"Can I bring you lunch tomorrow?"

"I am so glad to see you!"

"It is great to have you here!"

Loved ones often think these kinds of comments make us feel more pity for ourselves. On the contrary, they often help us to feel we are being heard. What's more, when someone gives compassion, it gives us the freedom to reply with our own "positive" statements. In other words, we can say for ourselves that we will "be okay" instead of having someone else say it to us.

QUESTION TO ALL OF YOU: What other kinds of comments are encouraging to you?

Angie: "I love you." "Hope to see you soon."

BevinUSA: I admire you for your courage.

patty123: Just that they have faith in me and believe me - then I don't feel I have to keep explaining it.

migraine-man: Is there any way I can help?

cj_Encourage: It's so good to see you! and a gentle hug.

Host_Mary_Shep: You look good on the outside, but how are you doing on the inside?

Valerie: "I love your positive outlook - even though you have been through so much with your health problems"

agapedew: "Can I bring lunch tomorrow?" would be wonderful. And understand if tomorrow I am having bad pain day and will come the next day.

Renee: Mine is not so much a comment but an action - when people agree not to wear perfume or to remove their air fresheners from their homes.

penny: You are courageous.

Sherri_Connell: Those are great!

Bernwoodshanover: It's really nice to see you out today. I'm glad you were able to come today.

Donna: How can I help you? Offer tangible help, like offering to dust, vacuum, etc.

Cindy: Any validation that what I am dealing with is very real!

Angie: "If I was going through the same thing, I don't think I would handle it as well"

Denise_M: Go take a nap (something my kids all hated when I said it to them).

BevinUSA: Wow, it is great to see your sense of humor through all of this.

guest: "Good to see you here." and any kind of comment like "That's a really painful illness, isn't it?" that indicates they have some inkling.

Carol: "Let me make supper, and clean the floor, you can take a break."

Donna: You seem so upbeat for all you're going through.

Sabine: It's OK if you have to cancel at the last minute.

Sherri_Connell: So there are MANY ways people can be encouraging! They just need to know how!

migraine-man: Based on agapedew's comment, that's even better - "Would it help if I [brought over a meal, watched the kids, helped you clean...]?" Something specific.

Sherri_Connell: I had another section on taking ourselves out of the defensive, but looks like we won't have time... so I am going to skip to the conclusion so we can chat a little!

THE BOTTOM LINE:

First of all, we must remember that people are not going to truly understand unless they are in our shoes. Nobody can fully comprehend the extent of the loss, pain and fear that may be present unless they have experienced a similar trial.

Second, we need to have grace for those around us who do desire to be supportive. Most people need guidance as to what is encouraging to us and what we need. Even people living with chronic illness have differing ideas of what is helpful and what is not, because everyone has varying degrees of limitations and hurdles.

Third, I do have to say that there will be people in our lives who are not going to want to believe or accept the facts no matter how hard we try! In fact, they may even be the majority. When we do come across people like this - and we WILL - we must try to be strong. Most of them are simply building a bubble around themselves to protect them from dealing with something that could make them feel sad or helpless. On the other hand, for those whose intentions are harmful to us, we can be cordial and forgiving as we are mindful of setting boundaries.

The only way we can begin to cope with rejection and being offended in relationships, is to work diligently on the ideation that we must make everyone understand. I am not saying this is EASY! Believe me, I am NOT the type of person who can just "blow off" what people say to me. I do not let things go easily, when I know that someone thinks something differently of me than the truth.

I struggle GREATLY with making sure people KNOW where I am coming from and how much I WANT to get better! It rips at my heart when others do not "get it" and think I am just exaggerating my losses and limitations. So, take it from me, a person who REALLY battles with this issue. If we continue to focus on making every person we are in contact with understand what we are going through, we will always be hurt, exasperated and miserable. This is not good for our health physically or mentally and only causes US more pain.

So, this is precisely why we must make every effort to let the truth be sufficient. We know who we are, where we have been and where we want to be. We know we didn't ask for this and we are doing everything possible to get better.

As a whole, we must be thankful for those around us who do make efforts to be loving and supportive - even if it is just one person! Furthermore, we must try to let go of the fact that there are those who will not.

Thank you all SO much for coming to this workshop! I hope you found some ideas to take home with you. Most of all, I hope you were encouraged.

Invisible Disabilities Advocate

http://www.InvisibleDisabilities.org or http://www.MyIDA.org

But You LOOK Good! A Guide to Understanding and Encouraging People Living with Chronic Illness and Pain. http://www.ButYouLookGood.org

Host_Mary_Shep: Our hour is over and we want to thank you, Sherri for what you are doing to make it a little easier for all of us with Invisible Illnesses! You are truly an inspiration and a blessing! Let me close in prayer and then Sherri will stick around in the room to answer some more of your questions!

Thank you Lord for what Sherri has brought to us today. This is truly another area where so many of us can relate! We ask for you to help us to communicate our needs, and to learn to accept that some are just not going to 'get it'! Again, thank you for this time and this room where we do find so much warmth and understanding. We pray in Jesus' Name. Amen!

Sherri_Connell: Thank you, Shep!!!

Host_Mary_Shep: We will turn off moderation and you are welcome to stay and chat with Sherri for a little while! Yes, let's give Sherri a nice round of applause!

Sherri_Connell: Thank you everyone for coming!! I had a lot of fun!! OOHHH love the applause button (blush).