National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week

Time Management:
How it can make a difference with your illness

Karen Whiting, Author

Karen Whiting, a mother of five and grandmother of four, writes and speaks to help families. She is an author of ten books and is a regular writer for Focus on Your Child. Her son has suffered from painful, constant headaches for six years. She loves to find creative solutions to make life easier for people.

Visit her website

Time Management:
How it can make a difference with your illness

HOST_Donna: I'd like to share a little bit about some things that have to do with Time Management and Pacing yourself. We can discuss questions as we go along, if that's okay with all of you. Then, if the speaker comes, I'll turn it over to her.

All of us have the same 24 hours in our day, right? But not when you're dealing with a chronic illness. Sometimes, much of our day is spent in bed trying to rest, waiting for pain meds to kick in, or trying to cope with too many tasks and too little energy. It can be overwhelming when suddenly you only have 6 hours in which to accomplish 18 hours of work. As some of you mentioned, trying to fit in doctor's appointments, children's activities, etc., can be daunting. So, in order to keep up, most of us try to push to keep going even when we're hurting.

One of the most important things we need to learn is how to pace ourselves. By learning how to pace yourself, it will give you more control not only over your day, but over your pain. When we don't pace ourselves, we get into a vicious cycle of overdoing, crashing, not being able to do anything, resting, then overdoing, crashing again, etc.

So, what is pacing? Pacing means to take what you have to do (note I said Have to, not Want to), and breaking them up into smaller steps. For example, if you think you have the energy to work for 20 minutes, stop after 15 min., even if you feel like you can keep going. Rest for 10 minutes before you start again. After all, the work isn't going to disappear just because you take a break, right? *S*

One way to make sure you pace yourself is to get an appointment book-type calendar. I have one that is divided into 15 minute time segments for each day. When I write in what I have to do each day, I schedule in breaks in between activities. I also try to never schedule more than one appointment on the same day. And I try to leave a day in between if I have more than one appointment, committee meeting, birthday celebration, etc. in the same week. This works Most of the time.

Second...learn to say "no." In our fast-paced society, we all tend to overbook and overdo. This is hard enough on people who are well and have abundant energy, but it is a nightmare for those of us with chronic illnesses that sap our energy. You can tell people "no" in a nice way by saying, "I'd love to help you make the decorations for your party, but I'm not available that day." You don't owe anyone a detailed explanation. Nor should you feel guilty. You know how much you can do, and shouldn't let anyone make you feel guilty if you can't do more. Ultimately, you are only answerable to God, not to the person asking you.

Also, if activities require standing, try to find a way to sit during part of it. For example, if you're preparing supper, you can sit at the table or on a high stool at the counter to cut up vegetables. If sitting too long is a problem for you (legs go numb, backache, etc.,) then alternate between sitting and standing. Some things, you can even do lying down -- make phone calls to friends, set up appointments, etc. I fold the laundry sitting up in bed! Lol

Also, you can alternate between activities...dust half the living room, then take a break and write a letter or make a phone call before you go back to dusting.

Take care of yourself. If you're in pain, don't try to exercise. This doesn't mean to never exercise, because it's important for your strength and stamina to do so. But again, don't overdo. When you have chronic pain, forget about "going for the burn" or working through the pain. That will only land you in bed. If you're upper body is hurting, try to exercise your lower body -- leg lifts (for example). If your lower body is hurting, do exercises you can do sitting down -- such as using light (1 or 2 lb. hand weights).

There are some excellent stretching tapes/dvds for those who need to exercise sitting down. Just type sitting exercises into your search engine. Some are specifically designed for people who travel a lot on planes, and they are very adaptable for us.

Finally, schedule time for yourself both relaxation and recreation (such as reading, crafting, knitting, or some other relaxing hobby). Remember, you are important to God, to your family, and to yourself. If you don't take care of yourself, you won't be able to take care of anyone else.

Once you have your pain more under control, you can start to increase activities. Never feel guilty, pace yourself, and leave the rest in God's hands.

Questions/comments?

Debbie: Excellent advice, Donna.

cj_Encourage: Guilt is a real problem

a_ron: Great, Donna

Debbie: Everyone's different, but I find I like to have about 2-3 days at home in between days where I need to go out. I've learned to say "no" to just about everything! hehe

HOST_Donna: Learning to say "no" was a hard thing for me to learn to do. Being a pastor's wife, I felt my time belonged to the people in the church.

a_ron: Learning to say no can be difficult

HOST_Donna: Practice saying "no" in front of a mirror. Lol. And one thing to remember -- we need to try not to take ourselves too seriously. God understands what we're dealing with, and he has a lot more patience and understanding for us than we do for ourselves.

Debbie: lol - I found that if I agreed to do something when I didn't have the energy to do it, I would do it with a bad attitude and I would pay for it later.

a_ron: I am gradually shedding some of my tasks to others and just acting as a mentor.

Debbie: That's good, Ron.

HOST_Donna: If you Do say yes, and then find you can't follow through, Call the person and be honest with them - just say you thought you'd be able to do whatever, but now find you really can't.

Debbie: I also need plenty of notice if people are going to expect me to do something so I plan to rest beforehand and not be worn out at the time.

HOST_Donna: I tell people that with me, all plans are tentative. *S*

Debbie: I like your idea, Donna, of scheduling rests in between doing things.

Karen: I call a rest a cushion.

Debbie: Usually I'm resting on a cushion - hehe.

cj_Encourage: Got my comfy recliner.

Karen: Time is one of our most precious commodities and so we need to think about how we want to invest it

HOST_Donna: Our guest speaker is here, so we will begin with her topic, Time Management in just a few minutes.

Welcome to the National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week seminar. My name is Donna, and I'll be your host for this hour. We will open in prayer; then our guest will present the topic, after which there will be a question and answer period, then I will close in prayer...

Father, thank you for this week of special seminars. We ask you to bless our speaker this evening and each one who is here. We ask you to speak to us through her, that we might learn and grow from what she has to share with us. And we ask that all that we say and do tonight be pleasing in your sight. In Jesus' name, Amen...

Now, I'd like to introduce you to our speaker...

Karen Whiting is a mother of five and grandmother of four, who writes and speaks to help families. She is an author of ten books and is a regular writer for Focus on Your Child. Her son has suffered from painful, constant headaches for six years. She loves to find creative solutions to make life easier for people.

Her topic tonight is "Time Management -- How it can make a difference with your illness." Karen, we are very pleased to have you with us this evening.

Karen: Hello. I am finally able to post.

I like to think of Time as an acronym-

T for trust the days to God,

I is for invest in people first,

M for manage the moments, and

E for Evaluate your time usage

There are three key points I mentioned in my handout to think about regarding time. The first is how to invest your time, the second is to plan ahead to make the most of your good moments when you live in pain and the third is to live simply.

We only have a limited number of hours in each day and that makes time a precious commodity.

I take a few things under consideration when I choose how to spend my time. I ask

- Will it be fruitful?

- What will it cost me in terms of energy, money, relationships, and time?

- I ask if there are limits before I begin. That means is there an ending point? Are there a set number of hours to the commitment?

- I also ask about my motive in choosing to do something. Is it selfish or is it for others? And sometimes, I choose to do things for myself - that's okay as we need time to refresh and re-energize. We also need to spend time investing in others-especially those closest to us

- I tend to ask if something fits my mission and my goals. My mission for many years was to raise a godly family and support my husband. Now they are grown and my mission is to write to help families to connect, treasure and serve one another. Once a person knows their mission/purpose it is easier to know when to say yes and when to say no-you can ask-does it fit my mission or not? If it fits, then that's a good sign to say yes--as long as you have time

One thing with time - is to make room for something new, we need to let go of something else. When the something else is free time that's easy, but when our days are full that makes it hard to let anything else into our days. And when we live in pain we need to know our own limits of what we can do.

I watched my son with severe headaches give up sports (running added to pain). I saw him stay with scouts because he could serve others and choose which activities he could do. That's the practical side of things. He is now partly in college and part time in high school and has less headaches so he is making new choices. He's involved in youth group and math club (not sports - a bit of fear about that yet). But Daniel never gave up certain friends, especially a few who needed someone to listen to them. That's putting relationships first and making people a priority--even in pain, we can often listen and that is so valuable.

If you don't have a mission statement or goal, I'd suggest that you pray about one and consider your passions; they are often the key to a mission and purpose. I believe God uses our passions and calls us to use them--they bring us joy and that helps relieve pain so it works together for us.

Let me chat a little about planning ahead to make the most of time

It's great to have a list of what to do when you do feel good - both things to do that need to be done (laundry and cleaning) and what to do that you most want to do (may be play with your children or have a romantic time with your spouse). When I knew I'd have surgery and face some time of pain afterwards, I made food ahead, bought groceries that were easy to prepare, and set up only a little bit of writing.

I kept a list of what I could do with a few good moments and what I could do in 30 minutes or so. That also meant having an idea of how long it takes to do something. One of the biggest problems people have with time is not having a good handle on how long tasks take. A person may believe they can get out the door in half an hour and not realize that grooming and dressing takes 45 minutes. So they always start out late because they don't know to plan enough time

I'd suggest that you keep a time dairy for a few weeks and see how long it takes to do simple tasks, and even the hard tasks, as well as finding out how you are spending your time. That helps you start to know what you can do in the moments and the longer periods of time-I only use a quilt on my bed because then I can make it in a minute - a spread and extra pillows take longer.

As you look at how long things take you can consider key 3 - simplifying life.

What takes too long and how can it be cut down? I had a simpler hair do when my children were young as I didn't have time to spend fixing my hair. Now, I have more time because my children are grown so I have a hair do that I need to blow dry and I set aside more time to get ready before I leave home. If I have a busy day, I make a simple dinner. It really is less time for me than picking up food and healthier. Simple for me is a fast salad and the George Foreman grill for grilling a little fish or meat

I like a garden, but I have a black thumb and little time to keep one up. So, I consult with a gardener when I buy plants and find out what's easy. Now my yard looks better and I only invest a weekend planting it and have a timer to water it.

I've chatted a bit about these key areas and want to hear your questions now.

The question is about a mission and goals. I have an overall mission and that helps me to set goals. They are different terms for me. A mission is the underlying call for my life at this point - what I believe is my purpose. I mentioned that my mission is to encourage families--my goals within that are to speak to families, to write to them, etc. I defined that mission and then when an opportunity came up to write for Focus on Your Child, I believed that fit the mission and said yes to writing 2-3 articles each month. Those articles are not monthly goals.

In the past year I was asked to travel to Russia to speak and I prayed a lot about that. It was to speak to families and leaders who minister to families. But for me, this year was also a year where one son was getting married, another was having a baby, and I had a few books under contract. I took a few months to really to pray before I said yes. I needed to be sure I could keep my family first (invest in people).

Shep: There has been much talk about multi-tasking - and in some situations we really do need to be 'multiply tasking' - but I have come to believe that multi-tasking when it comes to people keeps us from really 'absorbing' what they are saying... as if we are not really focusing on them or the issue. Any thoughts on multi-tasking 'faux pas'?

Karen: Shep, multi-tasking does not always work. It should not be done when we need to listen to someone and pay attention to that person.

whitecap: I push myself hard to help others as it gives me a purpose! Is this wrong?

Karen: Whitecap, it is great to have purpose and for you that seems to be helping people. And pushing yourself is okay if it does not cause more pain (at least not more than you can handle).

whitecap: Yes, but I do pay a price each time I do, so is it still Ok?

Karen: A goal can give us a drive and the goal may be helping someone. What is the price and are you willing to pay it? That's where I mentioned that we must consider the cost before we commit our time

whitecap: I am almost always willing to pay it but sometimes it does catch me completely off guard,

Karen: The cost catches you off guard? In what way? Is it in relationships or pain?

whitecap: Pain and fatigue! And this sometimes interferes with my relationships!

Karen: Then you may need to build in more cushions and rests between helping others or to team up in helping others. If you can do something with another person it can alleviate some of the pressure for you. Then you may need to build in more cushions and rests between helping others or to team up in helping others. Think of what most relieves your fatigue and pain and schedule that after you will help someone.

LRLG: What are some tips on figuring out what my mission/goal is?

Karen: Tips to figure out mission -- Look at your passions and your talents. What do people say they think you should be doing? Read Andy Stanley's book on Visioneering and pray. Also, look at what is in your heart. What do you most want to do to impact others and your world? Those questions help you find the mission. I always loved family and every time I heard stats about families having problems it broke my heart, so I knew my mission would involve the family. As to goals, those are steps to help you achieve the mission.

Debbie: Lrlg - the next seminar is on discerning God's will - you may find that helpful.

HOST_Donna: This will have to be the last comment, as our time is nearly up.

Thank you, Karen for a great presentation. You've given us a lot to think about, and some great ideas. I also want to thank all of you who participated in this evening's chat. Now, let's close in prayer...

Father, thank you for allowing Karen to share with us this evening, and for the insights and encouragement she gave us. We ask you to bless her in her ministry to others, and bless each one who participated in this seminar. As we leave, be with us throughout the week, and help us to remember that you are in control, no matter what our situation may be. We thank you for your presence here. In Jesus' name, Amen.

This concludes this hour's seminar. Thank you all for coming.

Karen: Thanks