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 1.
For most people, health, like the weather,
is relatively unpredictable and there's
an element of luck. But living with
chronic illness means that I face unpredictable
health daily. It can change as quickly
as the weather, often without warning.
I find this difficult, constantly challenging
and even demoralizing. But, I try very
hard not to let this prevent me from delivering
my best.
2.
When I have to "slow down" or
not show up because of chronic illness
symptoms, it can mean that others have
to pick up the pieces to keep things going.
I appreciate that this can be frustrating
for you. It is for me, also. Let's just
make sure we discuss what I can do to
prevent my illness from becoming a burden
to anyone.
3.
I'm not looking for your pity or even
your sympathy. I don't feel sorry
for myself and I don't want you to feel
sorry for me, either. But I do welcome
empathy, such as, "I understand this
is tough". And once in a while, it's
really great to hear your encouragement,
such as, "You do a great job with
this" (but only if you mean it.)
4.
I know it doesn't seem to make sense,
but I can feel terrible and look fine.
When most people have the flu or even
just a cold, they look sick. My symptoms,
sometimes disabling, are usually invisible.
I know it's hard for others to understand
this, especially when I look the same
through it all. That's why I'm often nervous
about what others believe about my health
and think about me. It might sound odd
but when I hear, "You look so good!"
I wonder if you think I'm exaggerating
my experience.
5.
You probably think you're being helpful
when you tell me what I could do to get
better. Your Aunt Gertrude, who went
into remission with that special diet
or your friend, Phil, who got better when
he stopped working - they're not me. I
promise you, if I want advice, I will
ask for it. Just because I'm not healthy,
it doesn't mean I'm incapable of managing
my life.
6.
When I mention my chronic illness, please
don't "skip" over it and look
away. When you avoid the subject,
it doesn't feel polite or respectful.
Instead, it feels as if you're avoiding
the topic. The fact is, I appreciate questions
that show genuine interest in my experience,
such as, "What does this mean for
you?" And, I'll try my best to be
respectful of you by not overly focusing
on the subject.
7.
Have you ever noticed how often people
pass you in the office halls with, "How
ya' doing?" and they keep walking?
I know it's just a greeting but when I
don't feel well, I don't have a quick
answer. I'm still responding to the question
five minutes later -- - in my head. In
fact, there are times when it's difficult
to carry on simple, normal, office banter
when I don't feel "normal" and
my life doesn't fit into a sound bite.
So if you ask, be prepared for more than
you might have bargained.
8.
Healthy people can work (or play) too
hard but they can catch up after pushing
their bodies too far without too much
wear and tear. Part of the problem
with this chronic illness, however, is
that my limits can vary greatly. I can't
ever be sure how hard I can push without
hurting myself. Some days, walking upstairs
to the water cooler feels like I'm running
the marathon. Sometimes it can take days
or even weeks to feel "normal"
after working a few late nights and weekends.
And, yet, at other times, I can do any
of this without a problem. Go figure.
9.
People in the office (particularly management)
will tell me, "Take care of yourself,
that's most important." But how
should I interpret this message when working
10 hour days/6 days a week is considered
a virtue? I want to have high standards
for my performance and be respected for
what I do, just like everyone else. But,
the crazy schedule that we work doesn't
allow time for doctors' appointments or
time to recoup. I find that there's a
bit of a contradiction here.
10.
Please don't assume that because I live
with a chronic illness, I can't do my
job or take on new responsibilities. If
I say I can do something, I will. I don't
want to be protected from work demands
and I want to be held to the same high
standards as everyone else. I might have
to ask for help at times. But, that's
my responsibility. Please don't discount
me without checking with me first.
By
Rosalind Joff, founder of CIcoach.com,llc,
The Resource for Professionals with Chronic
Illness. Visit her web site at: http://WorkingWithChronicIllness.com
©cicoach.com 2008 all rights reserved.
Stay tuned for her book: Women, Work
and AutoImmune Disease: Keep Working,
Girlfriend!
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 1.
SHOW YOUR RESPECT
a.
Promote confidentiality - Your employee
thinks you need to know but that doesn't
mean this is "water cooler"
gossip. Decide together who needs to know,
what needs to be said and who will tell
them.
b.
Respect boundaries - It is not open season
for anyone to give unasked for advice.
Model this behavior for others.
c.
Clamp gossip - You are aware when people
are talking and it hurts performance.
Condemn harmful gossip when it occurs
and act on it before it blows into a storm.
2.
GET THE INFORMATION YOU NEED
a.
Don't rely on myths - When an employee
tells you about a chronic illness, learn
the facts. Get enough information so you
can discuss the situation credibly. The
web is a good resource.
b.
Ask, don't assume, how you can help your
employee perform successfully - Ask what
he wants or needs from you to get the
job done. And be sure you put these steps
into place.
c.
Review company policies together - Look
at your company policy concerning vacation,
sick time, FMLA to ensure there is common
understanding. Decide jointly how missed
time and other related issues will be
recorded and followed up.
3. SET PERFORMANCE GOALS
a.
Encourage realistic goals - Goals are
meant to be something one stretches to
achieve but they must be achievable. Encourage
employees not to set themselves up for
failure.
b.
Create opportunity for flexibility - This
is valuable for all employees in the current
workforce regardless of the reason. It
is critical for people who live with unpredictable
illness.
c.
Provide feedback - Chronic illness is
not a reason to avoid giving employees
feedback about how they are doing. It's
a necessary tool for success.
By
Rosalind Joff, founder of CIcoach.com,llc,
The Resource for Professionals with Chronic
Illness. Visit her web site at: http://WorkingWithChronicIllness.com
©cicoach.com 2008 all rights reserved.
Stay tuned for her book: Women, Work
and AutoImmune Disease: Keep Working,
Girlfriend!
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