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75%
of marriages of those with
chronic illness end in divorce.
They don't have to. See the movie
Fireproof!
It can change your marriage...
and your life!
Scroll
down for our regular spousal support
section.
Support for Men and Women Who
Have a Chronically Ill Spouse
Is
your wife chronically ill?
Does
your husband live with a chronic disease?
Whether
your spouse lives with heart disease,
fibromyalgia, chronic pain from an accident
or migraines, coping with an ill spouse
can easily define your marriage if you
let it.
Sadly,
for about 75% of marriages, illness destroys
it*,
ending in divorce. And we have many people
at the Rest Ministries web site who have
a experienced the pain when their loved
one said, "I am leaving my critically
ill spouse." The heartbreak is unimaginable.
But you can joyfully stay in a
marriage with a critically ill spouse.
In
fact, the marriage may be better than
ever because of your committment and
love. Marriage, divoce and chronic
illness don't always have to
go together! We've put together some
of the best marriage resources we could
find and we'd love to hear from you
about more that exist, specifically
for the chronically ill.
Join
one of our groups today! Whether your
wife is sick or your husband is chronically
ill, you are more than welcome! And
just a reminder... we are a Christian
group; anyone is welcome but please
be respectful.
In Fireproof,
Caleb Holt tells his father that he is
about to get a divorce. Caleb's dad asks
him to wait 40 days before moving forward.
Dad's challenge: work a day-at-a-time
through a handwritten book he calls The
Love Dare.
Unconditional love is eagerly promised
at weddings, but rarely practiced in real
life. As a result, romantic hopes are
often replaced with disappointment in
the home, but it doesn't have to stay
that way.
This book,
The
Love Dare, is a 40-day challenge
for husbands and wives to understand and
practice unconditional love. Whether your
marriage is hanging by a thread or healthy
and strong, The Love Dare is a
journey you need to take.
Central
to the movie's plot, The
Love Dare, now available, is hands-on
study that both men and women can integrate
into their marriages.
Interesting
Statistics About Marriage and Illess
Does
the Internet Help You?
58% of those who found the internet to
be crucial or important during a loved
one’s recent health crisis say the
single most important source of information
was something they found online.
* Pew
Internet and American Life
There
was a 54% increases in the number of adults
who said the internet played a major role
as they helped another person cope with
a major illness from January 2002 to March
2005.
* Major
Moments Survey, Pew Internet and American
Life
Do
you give your spouse health advice?
In a recent study only 10% of respondents
with illness wanted health advice from their
spouse. Women were twice as likely as men
to give health advice. But... men have an
easier time offering health advice to their
spouse (28 percent) than women (19 percent).
14% of the participants had a spouse with
a chronic illness.
* Evercare
Overheard
from women
Overheard
from men
"I
love my husband. I am a Christian and
intend to keep the vow I made. But wow,
this isn't what I would have chosen for
myself. It's taking a toll on me. But
I probably have it much easier than a
lot of other people. And I know my husband
loves me. There are times he can be incredibly
sweet. And times he apologizes for how
difficult this is for me. And I DO know
he's better off married to me than he'd
have been remaining alone. I try to pray
about it, to let the Lord's grace be sufficient
for me. Anyway, thanks for listening..."
I
am going nuts. My wife is driving me crazy.
She can`t sleep without the tv on. It`s
60 degrees in our room and she can`t sleep
without the fan on because she`s hot.
========================
(response)
I
know what you're going thru. God has chosen
us to serve our wives who are suffering.
Commit it to the Lord, he will give you
what you need!
How
it works:
Enter
your email address .
You will receive a confirmation
to reply to.
You
are now "joined." You
will begin receiving any messages
that other people see. If you
wish to get it in digest version
or read it on the web, vist http://groups.yahoo.com/mygroups
and change your settings.
Any
message you send to the group
will automatically be distributed
to everyone. We hope you feel
comfortable in this environment,
but we also want to remind you
that the internet is a public
venue so guard your words carefully.
Alzheimers
Spouse
A site devoted exclusively to the issues
faced by spouses of Alzheimer patients.
This is a place for information, support,
understanding, and message boards filled
with spouses who understand you.
Love
and Respect Conferences - Are you
staying in a marriage for a critically
ill spouse? This workshop may just turn
your life around when you find out what
kind of love ou spouses really need
from us. From Focus on the Family
Farrel
Communications - Pam and Bill Farrel
are international speakers and best
selling authors of over 26 books including:
Men are like Waffles, Women are like
Spaghetti todo
Books
of Interest for Spouses Who Are Caregivers
Article:
In Sickness and In Health
When
the husband is the partner in the marriage
with the illness, his usual role as fully
involved husband, father, and provider
is disrupted. The division of responsibilities
that the husband and wife are accustomed
to becomes unbalanced, with more and more
transferred to the healthy wife. The home
is then restructured with the wife assuming
her own responsibilities, the responsibilities
of her sick husband, and the role of nurse
too. Conflict can arise when the sick
husband feels tension and frustration
because he cannot function in every capacity
that he once did.
When
the wife is the ill partner she looks
to the husband for emotional support and
for him "to be there" for her.
If he is unable to express emotion the
ill wife may view him as insensitive or
uncompassionate. Even though the wife
needs her husband to be a strong emotional
force, she still does not wish to become
too dependent on him because it depletes
her feeling of self-worth. Women are viewed
as more emotional beings, and men are
regarded as more rational, even in how
they view illness
A
distressing reaction to chronic illness
common to both men and women is the feeling
they are bringing less to the marital
relationship than their healthy spouse.
The ill spouse feels they are "holding
back" the healthy spouse from being
fulfilled. Feelings of insecurity arise
along with shame and guilt. The ill spouse
believes that their partner must be resentful
of what their life has become due to illness.
A vicious cycle develops with the feeling
of inadequacy and the continual need to
apologize. A good marriage consists of
shared activities, shared responsibility,
common goals, along with a healthy sexual
relationship. Once one partner feels they
are the reason for the disruption in the
marriage, they feel deep anxiety. The
ill spouse becomes encumbered with self-doubt
and wonders why their spouse stays in
the marriage.
Mature
Love
The
reactions to chronic illness which can
resolve difficulties come from mature
love. Mature love means:
1-- feeling free to ask for emotional
support and getting it. Mutual support
is intrinsic in the marriage commitment.
2-- talking openly as problems arise,
rather than withholding resentment and
avoiding conflict. Realize anger is a
natural response to the limitations illness
imposes on a marriage and needs to be
expressed.
3-- deciding how you can best achieve
a physical intimacy which affirms your
feelings of love for each other. This
requires talking very openly about how
to do this and putting away unrealistic
expectations about sex.
4-- taking the strain off your relationship
and allowing friends and family to provide
extra support, or seeking professional
help before illness puts the marriage
in jeopardy.
5-- swapping roles and responsibilities
as necessary. Find self-esteem in your
own adaptability.
6-- realizing that chronic illness will
certainly disrupt the course of the marriage
periodically, and the commitment to each
other
must be reaffirmed.
7-- realizing that possibly what holds
the marriage together is guilt, gratitude,
or pity. The damage therein must be repaired
or an unhealthy marriage needs to be dissolved.
8-- chronic illness must be contemplative
and mindful, kept in perspective that
it is only one factor that complicates
an intimate relationship.
REFERENCE:
Living With Chronic Illness, by
Cheri Register, Reprinted with permission
todo
Follow
our founder on 
on any page to tell your friends! 
When
the husband is the partner in the marriage
with the illness, his usual role as fully
involved husband, father, and provider
is disrupted. The division of responsibilities
that the husband and wife are accustomed
to becomes unbalanced, with more and more
transferred to the healthy wife. The home
is then restructured with the wife assuming
her own responsibilities, the responsibilities
of her sick husband, and the role of nurse
too. Conflict can arise when the sick
husband feels tension and frustration
because he cannot function in every capacity
that he once did.
